The LOST diaries
by robo t
Summary: The first season of LOST, in diary format! LOST diary format!
1. Pilot

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DAY ONE:

10:35 a.m. Sydney

Was woken in a huff by Aunt V at two in the morning. Dropped off at airport at around 3:30. It was then that I realized the airport wouldn't officially open for another two hours.

Beginning to think aunt hates me.

Things got from bad to worse as I sat in the lobby reading a news paper about half an hour from boarding plane time, when Brit bloke puffing a fag dropped his bags on my feet. (Rather heavy.) When told he wasn't allowed to smoke in airport, he dropped the cigarette in my Big Gulp. In it! He probably would have sat on me if I hadn't started mock coughing.

12:02 p.m. plane- flight to L.A.

Not getting any better on flight. Stuck sitting next to chatterbox named Jack, a doctor from the States. I didn't ask for any of this information, he just found it quaint to tell me. He spoke to a Korean woman for an hour an a half before realizing that she didn't speak English. He's afraid of flying ( if that isn't obvious) and said he's on this trip for "pleasure". Told him I'm not, and that I hope the plane crashed. Life insurance pays off triple if you die on a business trip.

He's avoided eye contact for the past hour.

But I'm not happy at all. The seats are small and cramped, and every time I try to go to the bathroom, The Brit decides to run down the aisles. Was violently shoved back into seat as he ran past me, being chased by four flight attendants.

DAY TWO:

10:18 a.m. LOST- island somewhere

Things still getting steadily worse. Plane crashed yesterday. Ironically, stuck walking around with Brit as we watched people running around in terror and things exploding. He's not that bad, actually. Other than the fact that he's a conceited bassist for a band not that different from Chumbawumba ("I get knocked down") named Charlie ( God, how he loves his name) who enjoys "alone time".

DAY THREE:

Jack is now all of a sudden the unofficial leader of the camp, and I volunteered along with Charlie to go with him and a girl named Kate to go into forest. In hindsight, probably bad move. Kate actually recognized Charlie from band, while a confused Jack asked me what the hold up was. I explained, and mentioned the joke about recognizing bass players ( that never happens...ever. Except in Gene Simmons' case, but he had a gimmick) and Jack laughed really loud, taking Charlie out of "You are everybody" trance. Jack's plan was to find the cockpit and get a receiver blah, blah, blah... I was too busy giggling when Charlie said "cockpit", to which I responded "booby trap". Anyway, we found the plane filled with dead people. Kate gets naucious over that type of stuff, but I can't get enough of it. I was wondering aloud that these seatbelts must be really strong to hold those guys, when Charlie slipped and fell while climbing the almost vertical plane. Fancying Jack asked Kate what was wrong and she said she was fine and Charlie said something like, "And Charlie's okay too." It's funny when he speaks in third person. Charlie went into the bath room for some reason and I followed the others into the you-know-what-pit. They assumed the pilot was dead, and I kept saying, "The pilot's gonna wake up, you guys," and they both ignored me. But sure enough, in the dead quietest of moments, the pilot woke up. He was eaten by something moments later, causing us to all act like the the insignificant and stupid humans we are, by running away. Of course, Charlie had to trip while running, and Jack had to go back. I was stuck with Kate who insisted we count to five (Me trying to throw here off by saying random numbers) and waited until someone had to come running back (Charlie) and we had to listen to him ranble on and on in his native accent. We had to go back only to discover fat pilot speared by branch and Jack completely unscathed. Some monster, Charlie thinks its some sort of alien, but me and Hurley are both convinced in government mutation. All in all, progressive day

**- tibby T**


	2. Pilot part deuche

**the LOST diaries pt. 2**

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**3:25 p.m. - still LOST**

**Promising start today when fight broke out between Red Neck and Sayid. My chants of "Jerry! Jerry!" were not making matters better. Even though a chair was hurled at my face. Told Charlie his ears were big. He's so sensitive. Ran into jungle. To cry, I expect.**

**DAY SIX:**

**10:41 a.m. - still LOST**

**These flashback moments are starting to get annoying. I'm not only having "flashbacks" of my own but of others on the beach. Apparently, someone was given a dictionary for their birthday and still carries a grudge. I keep having that same flashback of me in first grade wondering, " If Aladdin's magic carpet is so magical, can't they just pop from one place to another?" To this, my teacher responded, " It can fly, isn't that enough for you?" **

**4: 12 p.m.**

**Little kid found handcuffs in the woods. Apparently, there was some kinkiness on island before we came here. **

**DAY SEVEN: **

**7: 49 p.m.**

**Am sad. Charlie's been avoiding me since I mentioned my hobbit fixation with Pippin. Or he could be mad at the fact that I "accidently" fried a Merry Brandybuck action figure I found on the beach. In better news, discovered I have magical genie powers. Can come in handy, but have decided to not mention to anyone, for they're all stressed out and will beat me with chairs.**

**DAY EIGHT:**

**6:34 p.m.**

**Followed Kate, Sayid, Charlie, Red Neck, Boone, and Blonde on a "hike". Turned out more of a harrowless journey than a simple hike, with all the climbing cliffs, running away from polar bears on a tropical island and what not. I should mention that. We were walking in the middle of nowhere ( am I the only person that realized that a path was already made specifically for humans BY humans?) when a white monster started coming for us. Everyone ran off, and in my useless attempt to climb tree I tore jeans. Red Neck pulled out a gun and shot the creature. All it wanted was a Klondike bar. It could've been my friend.**

**When asked what the creature was, Charlie said that this was a teeny tiny version. But when I said it was the "hobbit version", I was automatically assumed as the bad guy and therefore was hit in the face by none other than Charlie. Waited until noone noticed me,( which is all the time 8-( ) I used my magical genie transformation powers to pop up on the other side of island. Met nice eskimo folk there. Man named Gilligan said he was looking for his fat, white haired, and furry friend Skipper. Decided to go back, where Charlie started to dance and said something about a Frenchman. Dropped me immediately when Blonde started to translate the message ( "Help us.The others have been killed by it. Blah,blah,blah"). Charlie was much more interested in listening intently. TOO intently, if you ask me. I heard it just fine from a yard away, but Charlie had to be less than an inch from her face in order to hear it. Fancies her, I reckon. Dammit. All my hopes are lost. LOST.**

**DAY EIGHT:**

**8:15 a.m. -still friggin LOST**

**Things are getting weird. But more news on yesterday. In my sadness I used my genie powers to get back to camp where Jack and Pudding Lady were helping dude with that thing sticking out of his chest. I call it a shrapnel. Not cuz it is, just because I like that word. The dude actually woke up! All he said was "Where is she?" before I hit him with hobbit frying pan in my panic. "Great!" Jack said. " Now we're just going to have to wait until the next episode to find out what the hell he was talking about!"**

**So, see you then.**

**-Tibby t**


	3. Tabula Rasa

pt. 3

DAY TEN:

6:09 a.m. -LOST

Quite an eventful day. Still morose over potential bear buddy, as to Charlie has moved onto Aussie girl (Claire). Sayid said to keep quiet about French woman message, meaning whole "hike" for nothing. Boy, am I glad I can transport from camp to jungle, or else I'd be really pissed off. In the meantime, Jack was argueing with Red Neck about stealing from the dead passengers...Up until now, I didn't know that was a crime.

DAY ELEVEN:

10:19 a.m. -LOST

Keep having flashbacks, mainly having to do with Kate. Apparently, low speed chase with one armed Aussie did not end well. Am slightly jealous. Walt has befriended bald orange man. Why can't I find friends?! If it weren't for Red Neck, I'd be having Klondike bars galore with Polar buddy, but...

4:35 p.m. -LOST

Charlie can't go more than 2 sentences without mentioning his band or his name. We all know when it's coming, so I say "Dumbo" and he runs off covering his ears. ...To orange man! Who apparently everyone on the island has befriended but me. Oh, well. Off to search for coconuts.

11:23 p.m. -LOST

Things going from worse to...LOST. That's my adjective for everything now. Red Neck has terrible aim, so no longer afraid. In attempt to take shrapnel guy out of his misery, shot him. In the lungs. Not the heart, and not even the head, but his lungs. Only had one bullet, and I couldn't help but point out that if he hadn't killed the bear...

- Tibby T

p.s.: Dammit!!! where the hell are the monkeys when you need 'em?! King Kong? Anything!


	4. Walkabout

**the LOST** diaries pt. 4

DAY FOURTEEN:

9:13 a.m. - LOST

Last nite was a doozy. Ha ha. Doozy. I'm a bit doozy. Charlie dropped a bag last nite when he was being chased yesterday and I had some...whatever. I realized what I was doing halfway through my ultimate "high" and saw all of it was almost gone. I put some sand and dirt in the bag. That bloody bassist won't know the difference.

p.s.: CHARLIE'S NIPPLE WAS EXPOSED!!!!

DAY FIFTEEN:

5: 28 p.m. - LOST

Locke, Kate, and Michael went off to hunt boars. Red Neck wouldn't go, as much as I tried to tempt him by saying how fun it would be to "'rassle some piggies". Claire wanted to make a memorial service for the dead bodies Jack wants to burn (brilliant, ruddy brilliant...). Working at a morgue pays off with these things. But when I followed Shannon into the jungle and discovered Charlie with his bag, I decided I should nag him instead. Shannon used her powers of hunger and lack of hunting abilities to convince Charlie to get fish for her.

Was walking behind them when Shannon said, "Can I ask you something?"

Charlie apparently has not yet gotten the memo that bassists are like the ghosts of the band.

"I was wondering when this would come up," Charlie started. "Yes, I am the bass player for-"

"Can you fish?"

I had to clamp my hand over my face to avoid being caught laughing my head off. Anyway, Charlie went on about England being an island (he tends to woo women with his geographical facts) and that he was a great fisherman. This was a lie. Hurley joined us in the ocean and kept stabbing the water in remembrance of his father. Charlie, on the other hand, practically drowned. I ended up using my Gollum fishing tactics and retrieved the fish with my teeth. But then Charlie snatched it and ran back to Shannon. Which was fine with me. Boone came over and realized Shannon was a selfish prick, Shannon realized that Charlie was a gullible moron, Charlie realized he was a sucker when it came to hungry women, and I realized that Charlie wasn't a very tall chap. Perhaps....

11:57 p.m. - LOST

The burning plane and eerie silence was creepy. Charlie couldn't help but walk into the middle of the occasion and ask where the flashlight was, and Hurley dared me me to run into the burning wreckage and back. This was a great day, considering the circumstances.

-Tibby T


	5. White Rabbit

The LOST diaries pt. 5

DAY SIXTEEN:

7:27 p.m.- LOST

Day not starting so well. This morning someone was drowning in the water. Jack, showing off his heroic skills, immediately ripped his shirt off and saved Boone, who I could have sworn was a lifeguard. Charlie, showing off his hobbit lack of swimming, just stood there looking concerned. Boone and Jack argued about someone else being in the water, but swam back to shore. ...Leaving me still in the water. I eventually floated back to shore when noone was looking, and found Charlie and Hurley giving Jack the most stupidest of inquisitive looks. I, realizing I had found my calling, stood next to them and joined in. It was in that moment when I realized that we were supposed to be friends. And noone else realized I was soaking wet.

DAY SEVENTEEN:

8:01 a.m.- We've been found! Just kidding. ;)

Everyone all in a huff. Claire passes out, just as all the water bottles mysteriously dissappear... I swear, it wasn't me! I went for a swim. Which definitely isn't a lie...

9:46 p.m.- LOST

Locke went off to get water, and I went with him. So boring at camp. Charlie has been watching Claire sleep the whole day, and the kid keeps rubbing that stick on his teeth. We found Jack, and while Locke was discussing little white rabbits, I decided to have a look around. In my quest (...for the ring...) I found other part of plane. And a coffin. No rabbits to be found. Jack must have great hearing, for he heard me open the stupid death box. With no where else to go, I decided to hide in there. I know how to survive in those things, as I've been locked in them many times before. And as pranks or attempted murder, I've never found out which. Jack opened the coffin, and I said "BOO!" ( what else? Honestly...) Jack apparently canot take a joke, for smashed the box in his fury at me. He thinks zombies are roaming the island. Can't help but think....Does that mean Klondike Bars with Polar buddy?

- Tibby T

p.s.: Jack told us we we're all going to die alone. To some of the survivors, that's discouraging. For me, it's nothing new.


	6. House of the Rising Sun

**The LOST Diaries pt. 6

* * *

**

DAY NINETEEN:

9: 55 a.m.- LOST

Had the strangest dream. Am still dreadfully thirsty, and it's starting to show up in my dreams... Dreamt was standing by the shore, somewhat thinking I can't possibly die of thirst surrounded in so much water, when I heard a loud voice behind me.

" Oh, yeah!" said the voice.

Much to my suprise, a large pitcher filled with a red liquid wearing shorts walked next to me.

" Kool Aid guy?"

" Oh, yeah!"

I couldn't believe it! My savior!

" Kool Aid guy! Please help us! We're stranded and we're horribly thirsty! If you could just..."

I couldn't stop myself. I lunged at him, I was so thirsty.

" Oh, no!"

He was too quick for me. I was shoved in the water, where I woke up. Being greeted by Hurley.

" What happened?" I asked.

" You were sleepwalking again," he said. " You were starting to get violent."

As he walked away, couldn't help but notice he was wearing a bright red shirt...

1: 10 p.m.- LOST

Am getting annoyed. People are attempting to kill one another on the island, so went with Jack, Kate, Locke, and Charlie (sigh...drool...tee hee) to the forest. Realized Charlie was an idiot on the way. Well, actually that's not suprising. But I like to update these things. Charlie had to be all "secretive", causing him to step on a beehive. He said he has an irrational fear of bees.

" Well, don't we all when we're surrounded by them with no way to get out and-"

" Shut up, Tibby!" Charlie hissed.

" Don't move," calm Locke warned.

Jack went off and brought back a suitcase. Which is sort of stupid, I doubt it was going to work in the first place. ( Hey, that rhymes.) Charlie was losing his cool, and when I couldn't hold my laughter anymore, I burst out cackling. In suprise and frustration, Charlie stomped on the hive. Causing the little buggers to swarm all over the place. Charlie, whose face had now fallen victim to the bees, ran with Locke following in one direction. Kate and Jack took this opportunity to 'build a raft' in the caves. And I used my genie powers to become Lord of the Flies, and there was an epic yet 18 second battle between my fly army and the bees. When got back to caves, saw Jack's tighty-whities (a first) and dead people (a ten millionth). Charlie brought back Kate's shirt, of which she had been so deperate to rip off.

" Oh," Kate said, somewhat flustered. " It was full of bees."

" More like full of C's," Charlie said.

" Oh, snap!" Locke and I sniggered.

Then Jack decided to build a camp in the Caves of Death, and Kate joined him to tell the others. Yeah, tell the others. Leaving me to tell Locke where Charlie was going every five seconds. Turns out Baldie isn't as weird as I thought, as to he owns both of the Drive Shaft cd's. Or that might be a good reason to fear him. We decided to have an intervention, and convinced Charlie to rid the drugs. Apparently, Charlie loves music more than any drug. Aw. How sweet.

" Can you tell me where my quitar is?" Charlie asked.

" Look up," Locke answered.

" You don't expect me to pray or anything?"

" What I want you to do is look up."

And he did. And there, somehow in perfect condition, was a guitar. It was so dramatic. The quitar, Charlie's hopes and dreams, the onion I was holding under his face so it looked like he was crying... sniff It was beautiful. Then, to top it all off, used genie powers to say goodbye to beach. Noticed a red surfboard in the distance. A small person with weird hair and a Hawaiian shirt came towards me. I didn't say anything, and he shoved (at least that's what it always seems like) a can of Hawaiian Punch towards me. As he waded off, I couldn't help but mutter, "Thank you, Hawaiian Punch Dude."

- Tibby T


	7. The Moth

(A/N: Sorry if this one isn't that funny, blokes. Was too distracted ( Charlie!!!) and found it hard to get inspirational and humorous. But don't pity me, just use your nice honest niceness you've been giving away so generously and I'll make the next one funny and ludicris. I promise! )

pt. 7

9:23 p.m. -LOST

Lots of stuff happened today. I'll start with this morning, when I wrote S.O.S on the beach shore. Boone, being the illiterate moron he is, thought it said "Sos." All of a sudden, the ground started to shake and we heard a loud rumbling sound.

" It's the monster!" someome yelled.

But then Hurley came running onto the beach and screamed, "SAUCE?! WHERE?!"

I met up with Charlie walking in the jungle and was greeted by a boar that besides our best efforts, continued to chase us about.

" You make great bait," Locke told us after catching the boar in a trap.

I almost laughed, but then remembered Locke has no sense of humor. And that he was right. Apart from running wildly and causing sheer mayhem, I was and still am, and shall forever be, useless. To top it all off, Having other people's flashbacks again. Will have to ask Charlie where Liam got that Music Slut shirt, and how awesome it was he was wearing it in a church.

I sat by the caves listening to Hurley's CD player where I discovered his stupid headband, which is now mine. Spied Charlie walk over to Jack and start arguing.

" Solid..."

Charlie waved his arms madly and yelled.

" Solid as a rock!"

Jack became confused and Charlie yelled some more.

" Solid...."

Jack shined his flash light in Charlie's face.

" Solid as a rock!"

The cave crumbled.

Jack was stuck in the cave, and Charlie was covered in dust, looking more like a hobbit then ever. Charlie ran off to get help, and everyone just stood there until Michael came and started moving some rocks. A tunnel was made, and Charlie, having experience, volunteered to go in and save Jack. Michael protested, and Charlie went on with a noble speech.

" If something happened to you, who would take care of your son?" Turning to Sun, he said," And she's got her husband. And your sister," he said to Boone.

Everyone nodded in agreemnet.

" But Tibby doesn't have anyone!" Scott (whoeverthatis...) yelled.

" Yeah, let's send her in!"

" Let's send them both in!"

Everyone watched noble hobbit Charlie go in the tunnel, and then shoved me in after.

" Solid..." I muttered, burrowing through the dirt. " Solid as a rock!"

" Won't you ever shut up!" Charlie snapped.

Everything started to fall AGAIN, and we couldn't get out. But we did find Jack, who groaned when he saw us (in pain or disappointment?). He told us to pull his arm out of his socket. Then the guys started talking about drugs blah,blah,blah. Since Charlie seemed so interested in moths, pointed one out to him. And he punched a hole threw the roof. My mistake.... But it made an opening, and Charlie and Jack got back to the camp spotlessly clean. I, on the other hand, was stuck in one of Locke's boar traps. Everyone was disappointed when I got out and came back to camp later that night. Why can't I be a moth? Asked Locke this, but he just pointed to the carcuss of the boar. NOTE TO SELF: Avoid Locke as much as possible. Toodles!

-Tibby T


	8. Confidence Man

(A/N: Just wanted to pull an ACG on you chaps to say that, from now on, the track of days will be more accurate. Everything is going to be the same, I just want you all to pretend that each episode counts as a day, and that we are on DAY EIGHT. Suprisingly, this wasn't that hard to write, thanks to Lies aka Dean.)

DAY EIGHT:

10:24 p.m.- LOST ( tijd voor taart!)

All right, I've just about had enough. I hate Sawyer, who decided to take my Dumb Bunnies (exclusive edition!!) book and read it just before taking a swim. IN THE NUDE. All I can say is that I know understand why they say everything from Texas is big. Ugh. To make matters worse, my pet spider Willie escaped last night. Shannon saw him and started hyperventilating. Serves her right. Besides, Willie's harmless. He doesn't normally bite people, but if he did, you'd just hallucinate a bit. Jack and Sayid, apparently trying to get rid of me, said they'd be building a raft with the assistance of Sawyer. I wanted to help, and for once, Jack let me tag along. As long as I promised not to sing, " He's the Lumber Jack, and he's okay..." when we got there. Realized that when I'm quiet, I'm invisible to the others. Like a dinosaur. So, silent as a train, I sat and watched the two men brutally interrogate Sawyer, demanding to know where he hid Shannon's enhaler. Of course, it was in my possession the whole time, but noone asked me, so shame on them. Then Sawyer wanted Kate to come so they could share the LONGEST KISS EVER. Seriously, it was disgusting. But maybe I shouldn't have been standing so close. Anyway, I walked off before they could finish their love fest. Discovered that Claire and Charlie made a deal. If Charlie found Claire some peanut butter, they would move in a cave together and I would get to be Dino. Bloody hell. I should have asked for peanut butter before running into the enflamed plane. I know if I really wanted to, I could stab Hurley and he'd bleed pudding. Helped Michael find leaves for a bouquet of...leaves. Then went back to Claire where Charlie came with a empty glass jar.

" The best peanut butter in the world," he said, dipping his finger into the jar. Couldn't help but notice the bite mark on his hand. That means...

Claire wasn't in the mood for games, and was going to dismiss Charlie and call the whole thing off when I magically conjured up TWO jars of peanut butter and explained that Charlie was trying his best and really cared for her safety, blah,blah. It worked. Why did I do this? you might ask. I know I haven't a chance with anyone on the island, and besides, they look so CUTE together!!! And I don't say that often. In fact, this is a first. Wow. Guess this island has really changed me. Seeing them walk off, listening to the sucky music coming from nowhere, I sighed and walked to the shore. Found a shell and, as a joke, said, " Can you hear me now?"

" Yep," a voice answered.

" Oh, hello," I responded.

" Hi."

" Who's this?"

" I'm Lies. You?"

" I'm Tibby. Where are you?"

" Dunedin."

" Dunedin? Wow, that's not far from where we are. Er, where we should be."

Since this Lies sounded familiar, and he was in Dunedin, not far from where I used to live, I told him everything that's happened to us. He said something about us being in Purgatory.

" You mean we're dead?"

" It's just a theory, but yeah."

" Then how can I be talking to you?"

" Dunno. Maybe I'm an angel."

" Are you?"

" Drink Red Bull a lot."

If I really have died and am in Purgatory, the peanut buter thing better be a change in where I'm going. All I want to do is see my Polar Buddy again.

- Tibby T


	9. Solitary

**the LOST diaries pt. 9**

Day Ten:

8: 27 p.m.- LOST

Today, for once, was actually pretty fun. But Kate was still morose this morning, because Sayid has been gone for two days. I don't know why he left in the first place. Something about the radio, perhaps? He's still going on about that... Poor chap. Denial is not just a river in Egypt, so it seems. Hurley found something shiny in one of the bags, which I misinterpreted as my GameBoy, and shoved him violently out of the way. To my disappointment, it was a bunch of golf clubs. Of which Hurley took vengence on me moments later.

" Ouch!" I hissed. " Just what are your intentions with those?"

" It's a secret," Hurley told me.

" Are you making jumbahlyah?"

" What?"

" Jumbahlyah. I like jumbahlyah."

" Well, good for you. I'm making a golf course, but it's a secret."

He then made a threatening motion with the golf club.

" Well, fine. _I'm _making jumbahlyah with Kool. Come on, Kool. We're making jumbahlyah."

" Oh, yeah!"

So, while Sayid went off to get electricuted in a giant cage ( It's what I've heard...I'm not the whispers in the darkness, so stop looking at me!), and Hurley went off to make his STOOPID golf course, I was making a giant jumbahlyah in a small, waterless waterfall. I'm known for my lack of cooking skills, lack of speling skils, lack of singing voice, and my deadly jumbahlyah. So, I decided to put all my lack of talents into one, Big, useless talent.

" Jumbahlyah, jumbahlyah..." I chanted.

I heard the others laugh at Charlie's lack of golf skills.

" Jumbahlyah, jumbahlyah..."

And I purposely ignored the loud, "Fore!" and stared right at the stew as a little golfclub went _plink!_ right into it. And then I laughed when Boone went into get it and started to drown. Woo-hoo... It was funny. Toodles!

- Tibby T

( A/N: I know this was a short one, blokes. And since LOST isn't coming on next week, and since everyone has been having Flashback thingys, I thought we should dig into Tib's past and have a whole flashback and what drove the Scot to Australia, and why she was going to the states. Hint: You'll notice some familiar characters, and some new ones! Must work on Drive Shaft shrine!)


	10. Flashback

The LOST diaries -Flashback

( Might as well write this one in diary/ story form.)

The camp was under a large, bright light. The moon. Tibby stared in earnest, as if a plane might miraculously show up with a _pop!_ or even a UFO to take them off the blasted place. She was suffering a horrible headache, from straining to find help or to summon someone to them. She had even started having hallucinations of her own past.

She felt a hand on her shoulder. Turning around slowly, she saw that it was only a disheveled man who she had grown to like, Charlie.

" Oh. It's you," she said, hiding her excitement.

Charlie leaned closer, and they sank into the water and...

DAY TEN:

10:41 a.m.- LOST

This morning, I was violated by a canine. And to top it all off, someone dragged my sleeping bag into the ocean when I was sleeping. In it. After shoving the animal off me and gasping for air, I looked back at the camp and saw Boone and Hurley laughing and giving each other high fives. Charlie was right there with them, laughing at me. As I picked up the sleeping bag, I muttered, " I never liked your stupid band anyway..."

The alarm clock read 3:35 a.m. The phone rang, and a hand creeped from under the covers to fetch it.

" Hello?" a drowsy voice asked.

" DRIVE SHAFT IS COMING BACK!!!" a voice screeched on the other line.

" What? Mary?"

" Yes, Tibs, you heard right. Drive Shaft!! Eeeee!" Mary screamed.

" Couldn't this wait till... sunrise?" Tibby asked.

" No! I just found out, and wanted to SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD!!"

There was barking on Mary's line, followed by people yelling.

" Where...are you?"

" Detroit, Rock City!"

" Isn't it...late there too?"

" Yeah, the buses won't start coming to their stops for another six hours. But, I heard from a friend of a friend of the cousin of the son whose mum's sister is married to the producer of Drive Shaft!" She sang that last bit.

" That's astonishing, Mary."

" Isn't it? Well, I have to go, need to get supplies for Drive Shaft shrine!"

Mary hung up, and Tibby placed the phone back in it's place. She turned to her side, shut her eyes, and... the phone rang again.

3: 25 a.m.- LOST

I've been keeping a good eye on my diary. Not because the others have tried reading it, frankly, they don't care. I just don't want anything to happen to it. Or to me, for that matter, they're just looking for excuses to smother me in my sleep.

Tibby and her friend, Cyril, walk over to the hospital, passing a large man eating a sandwhich, a girl talking on a cell phone and a boy barely visible over many a shopping bag, and a man wearing stupid sunglasses doing something in an alley.

" Book's not going well?" Cyril asked.

" Book's not going anywhere," Tibby replied. " I still haven't found any inspiration."

" Tabitha," he said. " You came down here to get inspiration. You still haven't found it?"

" No, _Cyril_. You know I lost the house and am currently living with Satan-"

" I offered, but-"

" -Am working at a morgue, and, to top it all off, Trotter's dead!"

Cyril paused at the steps and looked up at Tibby.

" Trotter died? When? How?"

" I found out last night," Tib began. " He was crushed by a vending machine."

Cyril sighed.

" Even when he is taken from the world... He can still prove why he was known as the 'Human Idiot'." He said. " He's in the States, right? Um, was? Did?"

" Yep," Tibby answered as she opened the door. " I'm going there in three days."

" I hope you find your inspiration."

Tibby went inside, and spotted a pregnant woman sitting in the waiting room.

" Tomei," a familiar voice behind her said. " We've got a floater!"

She turned around to see Wiley Casbah, a co- worker and friend, and followed him down the hall, passing a kindly old fellow in a wheelchair and a boy getting a check up with his father.

" And what have we got here?" she asked, eyeing the covered body.

They were in the most occupied yet least favorite section of the hospital, the morgue. Suddenly, one of the large drawers opened, and out popped another comrade, Jayson Kennedy. He crumpled the WANTED poster he had been looking at with a picture of a woman and threw it at the dead body.

" I was aiming for the can, honestly."

The sunglasses man opened the door.

" Charlie!" Kennedy hissed. " What are you doing here?"

" I just came-"

" You'll get your stash later. And unless you want to hide in the cabinet with the dead people, I suggest you get out and I'll meet you in the parking lot in 20 minutes!"

Charlie ran off.

" What was that about, Ken?" Tibby asked.

" Never you mind, T."

At that moment, the door was opened by a doctor. A man followed him inside.

" Hello, you three," the doctor said.

The doctor met them in the hall and told them to get the body ready. The man would be taking the body to America.

" That isn't a problem, I hope?" he asked.

" Not at all," Cas said.

All three of them said at once, " You kill it, we chill it!"

6 :37 p.m.- LOST

Was looking at some pictures when Claire came by. They were of Cyril, Trotter, my cat Muffin, and Mary. She said the cat was cute, along with the guys. Since she always assumes that if you are with a guy, he's automatically you're boyfriend, I explained to her that Trot was my brother.

" Yeah," she said. " But what about the other one?"

Tibby walked down the street holding a cage, passing a park bench where a man was reading a book entitled HOW TO NOT LOOK LIKE A TERRORIST. Outside the pet shop was a man smoking. She went inside and walked over to the counter, where a Korean man was finishing paying for a dog.

" Hullo, Tib," Cyril greeted her and looking inside the cage. " I assume you're leaving Muffin with me?"

" Like I'd leave her with Aunt Vera," Tibby said, opening the cage slowly. " Besides, I think Muffy likes you more than me."

The fat kitten quickly scampered into Cyril's arms.

" Muffy! Oh, well. You know what she eats and the like. I guess I'll see you two in two weeks," she said waving goodbye and turning away.

" Tibby," Cyril said. " Be careful, please."

( A/N: I still don't know why I did this. Or mentioned almost everyone on the island. Yak it up, laddies, 'cause I'll most likely delete this when it comes to writing the new Diary. Or maybe not.

Yes, Tibby isn't really phased by much. She worked in a morgue in Australia.

I do live in New Zealand, but am in the States currently on private business.... and it's not stalking Dom! Who am I kidding? I'm going to Hawaii next week! WHEEE! )


	11. Raised by Another

The LOST diaries pt. 10

DAY TWELVE:

7:30 a.m. -LOST

Had strange dream. Was following Claire in the jungle. Ran into Locke, with his creepy eye, and his... words of wisdom. I wasn't listening, for was too distracted by hobbit in the background that ran off. I was just about to catch the little bugger, when Claire started screaming bloody murder.

3: 16 p.m. -LOST

Well, the commotion has died down. But I am getting the feeling that Charlie has read my diary, because he keeps giving off these 'Dear Diary' hints. And he has started laughing at my jokes, which is sort of the opposite reaction I would think to get from someone who I have written so many things about. Maybe it's just his lame sense of humor. And Claire has a diary too, yay! Still a wee bit upset, though. Charlie tells Claire he wants to be her friend. Other than lately, the most means of conversation I've had with him is when he asked what time it was at the airport. This, of course, is not counting the numerous Drive Shaft talks; those were meaningless. And have also been getting strange feeling that there's something bad on the island... Other than the monster,the dead guy, and Polar Buddy killers.

2:36 a.m. -LOST

This is insane! I was having that Prancing Pony dream, the one Charlie and Pippin are in, when Claire starts screaming her BLOODY AUSTRALIAN HEAD OFF AND I CAN'T GO BACK TO SLEEP BECAUSE I WANT TO SEE EVERYTHING CHARLIE DOES. Get loud when lose sleep. He says he won't leave her side. Fine. I'll just hide in the bushes forever. And hopefully not fall asleep.

8:48 p.m. -LOST

Bloody hell, fell asleep. And Hurley with his stupid list thing...

" Tibby? What are you doing in the bushes?"

" What?"

I looked around and, sure enough, Charlie and Claire are gone.

" Bloody hell!" I mutter. " Oh, you know, mate, just getting some shut eye. With what happened last night and all."

" Yeah, about that. I'm doing this list thing, and just wanted to ask you a few questions."

I didn't see the connection, but the big guy was up to something.

" Tibby... Is that your real name?"

" It's Tabitha Tomei, Tibby for short."

" I'm Hugo Reyes, Hurley for short."

" Nice to meet you, Hugo Reyes."

" The pleasure is all mine, Tabitha Tomei."

" Any more questions, or can I continue my beauty sleep?"

" One more. What was your reason of travel to Australia?"

Good question.

" Inspiration."

Then I had to find Charlie. He's doing this to avoid me, I know it. Cuaght up when Charlie was following Claire into the jungle. Charlie's becoming as annoying as I am. It wasn't my genie powers doing, that's for sure. Anyhoo, we were walking in the jungle and Claire started "fake labor." Charlie tried to help, but instead started to hyperventilate, and I don't think I've laughed so hard in my life. Then he had to ruin the moment by saying something stupid about taking drugs and delivering babies. This made matters worse, and Claire ordered him to get Jack. He ran off, came back alone (no surprise), and Claire started talking about a pyschic. They chatted as I waited for Jack (who obviously wasn't coming, because Charlie is a failure to soceity). Used powers to make Claire feel better so we could go back. And as we started walking back, ran into that creepy Lance guy. I mean Ethan! Ethan Rom. There is no way that's his real name, and when you switch the letters around, it says The Roman. I'm not sure what that means, but I know he was the bad thing I was sensing. Turns out he has magical genie powers too, and doesn't use them for good. Dah-dah-daaaah!

- Tibby T

( A/N: Was this one funny? I don't even know. I've been zombified from all the work. I'm thinking of making an epic battle of good genie powers and evil. And I've been thinking of how I'm going to smash a plate on Dominic Monaghan's head and steal his shoes. DRIVE SHAFT! :: grabs plate and runs off :: )


	12. All The Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues

**the LOST** diaries pt. 11 (possibly last LOST??)

DAY FOURTEEN:  
12: 47 p.m.- LOST

Everyone in a panic. Charlie and Claire gone. Jack screamed at me. Then ran off screaming at random people. I knew that Ethan was bad news. Found a diary that I think is his.

Thursday, Day 4 (Ethan's journal/log, copied er, kept)

Nice weather. Light winds. Good humidity. Progress slow, getting discouraged. I am only burping-not truly belching. Mellow roundness remains elusive. Harmonics coming along with developing amplitude. Hang in there!  
Oh, and I'm going to kill Claire. And that annoying Brit guy if he tries anything...

See?! He's a mad man!!! Now we're all on a quest for the ring, I mean, hobbit, I mean Charlie and Claire. Yeah, that's the ticket... Me, Kate, Jack, Locke, and for some unknown reason of which I can't explain, the useless Boone went on a quest. Locke, the hardcore and brutal bald hunter man, was putting pretty ribbons on the trees so we wouldn't get lost. A wee bit late, if you ask me, but we all appreciate his efforts. And I guess I wasn't supposed to rip them off...

4: 20 p.m.- LOST

Pippin would've been so proud. Charlie left his stoopid tape thing as a clue so we could follow and find them. Confirming my suspicions that, yes. Ethan is indeed an Orc. We found two trails, and I felt sorry for Locke being stuck with an idiot, so I went with him when we split up. And, sure enough, BOONE'S A TREKKIE!! His facts are a little off (it's Spock, dammit), but he means well. Red shirts remind him of Captain Kirk, red shirts remind me of...  
" Oh, yeah!"  
" Shut up."  
Got hideously bored and went back to camp, where I played that game with Walt. Bloody hell. I now owe him 200,000 dollars in Mexican pesos. How am I supposed to get that many pesos?! Got out of there quick, and went to Kate and Jack. Haha. Jack fell down and broke his crown. And then we found Charlie. He was just hanging out, when Jack took him down and started to perform mad CPR and started beating his chest. To prevent him from breaking the poor obviously dead man's ribs, I brought Charlie back to life. And then I started beating Charlie and telling him next time he dies, he's a goner.

10:51 p.m.- LOST

Am getting a little worried. Charlie still hasn't said anything, and it's been six hours. It's slightly eerie, with all this silence and non-Drive Shaft talk. If he had died... I don't know what I would do.  
Probably move on. Get David Lee Roth to take his place (because we all know he needs the work), perhaps. But there would be those five minutes inbetween where I would be completely inconsolable. And Locke and Boone aren't back, but I checked in on them about twenty minutes ago.  
" Are we lost?" Boone asked.  
" Not lost," I corrected him. "LOST."  
" ...Why are you here?"  
" I think I found something!" Locke interjected.  
" Woah... What is it?" Boone (our own little Keanu Reeves) asked.  
" It's a gigantic metal plate... like the one in my head!"  
Both Locke and Boone stared at me.  
" I mean, like in my braces."

Toodles!!

- Tibby T

(A/N: I heard this is the last Lost of the season. Is this true?! If so, when does the new season start?!! But, let's leave this diary with a positive message. It has come to my knowledge that I have the longest Lost fanfic so far. And it's just going to keep going, don't you know. Go ahead, aspiring writers! You can try to catch up with me, but you shall never surpass me! You hear me? Never! NEVER!!! Oops. So much for positive note.)


	13. Whatever The Case May Be

**the LOST** **diaries** pt. 12

DAY NINETEEN:

11:18 a.m. -LOST (Whatd'ya think?!)

It's been a few days since I last wrote, and I haven't been feeling too hot. Everyone else on the island seems quite merry. Everyone except for Charlie. Which is ironic, when you think about it. Friendships keep budding, and I'm all alone. Not quite, actually. Hurley and I have become friends, and Charlie.... When he comes around, we'll see. For now, we will always have Tiny Dancer... Which I'm starting to realize was a dream. Anyhoo, on to this morning, when I followed Sawyer into the jungle and discovered Kate. My memory fails me, but all I know was that Kate and Sawyer, who, last time I checked, despised each other, were all giddy and jumping into a lake ( Is it lake? Bodies of water always fail me). I guess waterfalls make everyone happy. And shedding articles of clothing. I could tell where this was going, so I used my genie powers to transport some dead peeps lying around to scare them off. But since they are both distracted by shiny objects, a Haliburton suitcase was discovered. I really don't give a squirrel's nuts about a stupid suitcase, so I went back to camp. Apparently, my magical attempt to transport everyone to civilization backfired, and the island moved twenty feet into the ocean. My bad, I know. So I got stuck helping Rose (a very nice lady. Haven't the faintest idea why she reminds me of Cyril), and saw Charlie. I haven't really gotten a good look at him lately, being around him makes me sad. And the way he looks now... it just makes you want to give him a hug. ( Wouldn't try that, by the way. Snuck up on him and gave him one and he smacked me. He must've thought I was Ethan. At least I hope.) Rose stopped and started talking to him.  
" That's right," she said. " You aren't talking much these days."  
I refused to look at Charlie, but a sneak peek made me realize that he was avoiding eye contact too.  
" Just because you're quiet now doesn't mean you have to be rude," Rose said.  
I started to say something, but Charlie gave me a look, and I heard a voice. _No, don't look at her. Rose wants you now, _the voice said.  
" Excuse me?" Charlie said.  
"The tide's coming in," Rose said. " Everyone's helping move things."  
" Even me!" I said.  
She smiled, and Charlie looked at me for a second and nodded.  
" Yes, everyone. Except you (Charlie)."

6:06 p.m. -LOST (GOSH!)

I can read people's minds! I was dancing around in the jungle and for the first time in a week I felt HAPPY again. My victory dance was broken when I heard people laughing. Came out and saw Sawyer trying to open that stupid suitcase with a paperclip. Hurley and Michael were talking and laughing and, well... read for yourself.  
Michael: What are you doing?  
Sawyer: Trying to open this suitcase.  
Michael: You're trying to open a Haliburton? Ha ha!  
Hurley: What's going on?  
Michael: Sawyer's trying to pick the lock to a Haliburton.  
Hurley: A Haliburton?! Ha! Good one, dude!  
Michael: Seriously! Hey Sawyer, if you open that Haliburton, you can ride on my back and I'll fly you to L.A. myself.  
Sawyer: Get the runway, ready.  
Hurley: Hahaha! A Haliburton! Good luck, man.  
Sawyer: I can pick the lock to anything.  
Michael: HALIBURTON! HAHAHA!  
Hurley: HALIBURTON!  
Michael: HALIBURTON!  
It went on like that for ten minutes. I think the lack of food are making those two hysterical. I tried getting away, but Sawyer spotted me and asked me if I could help him. At first I thought he was mistaken.  
" Hey Specks, could you help me with this?" he asked.  
" Me?"  
" Yep. Show me that voodoo that you do."  
I was going to say that not even magic could open a HALIBURTON!, but I thought better of it. I faked some hocus pocus, told him the "internal spirit of the Haliburton was ready to escape" and that he might have to hit a few trees with it in order to set the spirit free. That RedNeck fell for it, and I went walking again. Either someone's playing a trick on me, or I might just be more useful than Shannon! I say this because when I was walking Jack confronted me. Said he knew that I was a mortician, and that I'd be useful for a little task he needed done. As long as I kept it a secret from the others. Sure, I won't tell anyone. But my "secret" diary is the only thing that keeps the others posted on what's going on. And I was wondering what happened to the marshal anyway. Apparently, he died and someone buried him. Hmm. Why wasn't I invited? Probably because I don't have anything formal to wear... Kate and Jack knicked the dead man's wallet, had a fight over some key, and an hour later Kate was crying over a tiny airplane. Said something about it belonging to the man she loved. I noticed it was a tiny toy airplane with the name CODY written on the bottom. Hmm...

10:39 p.m. -LOST

This was the first night I noticed that we had individual campfires. I kept poofing from one fire to the next, and got to hang out a bit. First was the Charlie/Rose fire, where Charlie was crying and Rose was performing a seance (sniff... so tragic, had to leave). Then onward to the Shannon/Sayid fire where Shannon sang a campfire song. The song was pretty, and I wouldv'e stayed, but Boone was giving me the look of Death. Probably cause I was roasting his marshmallows. Final destination was Kate's fire, where I fell asleep for two hours and found my diary about a yard away from where I last left it. Either I poofed in my sleep, or Hurley has been reading The Tibby Times to the others again.

Toodles!

-Tibby T

(A/N: If this one isn't funny and goes a wee bit off course, forgive me. It's been awhile, and I'm a wee bit rusty.)


	14. Hearts & Minds

**the LOST diaries **pt. 13

DAY TWENTY-ONE:

11:30 p.m. -"NOT ALL WHO WANDER ARE LOST"

We've been on this island for three weeks now, and I'm a little edgy. Besides, my stash is running out. Because we've been on this island for such a time and have become acquaintances, everyone feels free to say what's on their mind. I hate people like that. They should write it down and keep their mouths shut, like I do. That way, I won't have to hear them constantly nagging about their digestive problems. Speaking of which, I was walking in the jungle this morning when I ran into Hurley picking leaves. Jack came up, ready to become LumberJack at any moment, and Hurley started asking Jack about needing food and being hungry. If it weren't for the ants, and the fact that I can magically whip anything I want to eat in seconds, I'd be starving too. And if it weren't for my football, Franklin, I'd be all alone and friendless. That made me rememeber that I hadn't seen Franklin in a couple of days, and just then I heard Hurley mention something about eating stuff he didn't usually eat.  
" You ate Franklin!" I said accusingly.  
" Shut up, Tibby, and let the grown-ups talk," Jack said.  
I just stood there, staring at them both menacingly because that's about all I can do. Hurley muttered about having to leaf, indicating the leaves in his hand.  
" You aren't going to eat those, are you?" Jack asked.  
" Dude, these aren't for eating," Hurley said and ran off.  
He left me and Jack standing there, chuckling and saying lame jokes.  
" Guess he had to leaf," I said.  
" Had to drop trunk," Jack said.  
There was that minute of awkward silence.  
" Do you think we should've told him that was Poison Ivy?"  
" No."  
I followed Jack over to a little grassy spot where we spied on Kate, him ultimately enjoying the short lived moment more than I did. Kate found seeds, which I thought was a little odd. I was in that FFA program when I was a student in the States, and I never got the concept that you could FIND seeds. Than again, my theory of me not finding a coconut on the island yet is because I'm still waiting for those African swallows, so what do I know. I stood in that little patch of crop that Kate and Sun were working on and, in less than a minute, came with the conclusion that THIS IS A PLACE I SHOULD AVOID. I destroyed my mother's garden, my aunt's garden, and all the gardens that belonged to those future farmers. Agriculture and growth aren't my thing, which would explain the fact that anything I touch dies and that I myself am the size of a hobbit. I walked off and found Locke and Boone hiking through the jungle. I had a feeling that they were up to something and that I shouldn't know about it, so I reached in my pocket and pulled out the One Ring. Sure, it was plastic. And I did steal it from those bratty neighbors of mine when they were playing their LOTR Trivial Pursuit game, but here, anything can happen. There were no harsh winds and everything didn't get dark, but I couldn't see myself in the reflection of the water, so I think it worked. Locke and Boone came across a weird door in the ground, then stared at it for two hours. I had the temptation to open the damn thing myself, there was a latch where I was sitting behind the bushes, but then Locke started not making sense and saying "Michaelangelo" wrong. Boone started talking about that beachy sister of his, Shannon, and Locke knocked him out with his knife. I realized that the Ring had slipped off my finger, and when Locke turned to my direction, there was a look of surprise on his face. I stared at him for a second, wondering what I should do. I figured Locke was philosophical, so I started reciting a few lines from a song.  
" Is this the real life, or is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality. Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see..." I pointed up, and sure enough, Locke looked up. I took that time to pick up the Ring, and thought, _To hell with it, he's falling for it already, right? _  
" I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy. Because I'm easy come, easy go..." I transported me to a tree above.  
" Little high, little low..." Another tree.  
" Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me..."  
And then I ran off. Went back to camp, where Charlie seemed a hell of a lot better than he did a few days ago, but kept nagging about Claire. Claire, Claire, Claire. I thought paying Ethan would take care of her... I heard Hurley yelling and went to another beach, where Jin was standing over him and Hurley kept yelling, "PEE ON IT!" I left pretty quick. Talked to Michael and watched Walt play with Vincent and had an interesting chat.  
" You're a very patient man, Michael," I told him.  
" What?"  
" I said you're a-"  
" Why?"  
" If I was stuck here with my da, I wouldv'e driven him off the deep end."  
" Why? What'd you do?"  
" Oh, annoying stuff."  
" Like...?"  
" Oh. Like this. 'Dad. Dad. Dad. Daddy. Dad, Da, Da, Da da da, DAD! Look at my hand. Loook at my hand. Look at it! It's gone, IT'S BACK!"  
" Stop it, I see your hand!"  
" Yeah. As I was saying, quite lucky you are..."  
I went back to where Boone was, and found a little bowl. I don't know what was in it, but it tasted like pudding. Five minutes later, Queen was performing in the middle of the jungle and there were poodles all over the place. I managed to find my way to a little clearing, and started planting carrots. Dozens of carrots. Than I used some of "Farmer Maggot's Magic", and brought a bunch of carrots back to camp, where I guess I dozed off. It was late when I woke up and waited for Charlie to plop onto his sleeping bag, and when he did, there was a loud crunch noise. Charlie reached under him and pulled out a carrot that had broken in half. The look on his face was most memormamable... what was in that pooding?

Taloodles!

-Tibby T

( A/N: I know I rambled alot in this one, and there really was no point. Is there ever a point in these things? I dunno.... Please know I'm trying my best to get Tibby back to her witty criticizing self, and trying to reveal more of her secrets as well. Please review? -8)


	15. Special

**the LOST diaries **pt. 14

DAY TWENTY-TWO:

11:30 a.m. -"PLEASE SAVE US, NOT THE WHALES!"

Was hanging out with Locke, Boone, and Walt having a class time. Yeah. We were tossing knives. It was fun. Except for the fact that I can't throw knives and almost chopped Boone's head off. Locke got angry when I wasn't making a picture in my head (I'm a bleedin' writer, that's what I do) and told me to leave and stalk Charlie or something. NOTE TO SELF: NEVER MEDDLE IN THE AFFAIRS OF LOCKE OR DRAGONS. I did what I was told and found Charlie going through Claire's stuff on the beach. Her stuff was there because Kate thought that the beach near the coming tide was the safest place to put someone's luggage. Kate secretly thinks that were we to all somehow get off the island and into the ocean while bring out stuff and all the trees with us, that the island would float and hover around. I don't know how this would help us, but she keeps asking Hurley how far he can swim into the ocean. I took Claire's diary and was planning on giving it to her when she comes back. Which should be soon, since I keep hearing 'Tiny Dancer'. Also keep hearing Van Halen's 'Jump'. Connection?

12:17 p.m. -"ON THE THIRD DAY, GOD CREATED LLAMA"

I figured it was Sawyer who took Claire's diary of which I took. Only he would sink so low. And, even though I saw him sitting across from his tent, I went in anyway. For some unfair reason, he has a tent and I have wet sleeping bag. These chances are rare, so I went in. I was going to fall asleep, it was so nice. But when I looked up, pictures of Kate, Shannon, Claire, Sun, and, oddly enough, Vincent littered the ceiling. I got out quick, and found Charlie and Sawyer in a bit of a confrontation. Evidently, the DriveShaft/Lame rock star thing has gone to far. NOTE TO SELF: DROP THE SUBJECT WHEN IT COMES TO MUSIC. PREFERABLY ONE HIT WONDERS. Hmmm... ALSO: DON'T LET CHARLIE READ THIS.

3:28 p.m. -"HOGWARTS DROPOUT"

Evidently, Kate has been talking to Michael. He came up with a raft idea, and every time I look at those killer waves I laugh at the idea. But I was bored, so I went out to look for stuff and came across that coffin I found earlier. Oddly enough, it was turned upside down. I turned it over and, more oddness, my uncle Patton was sleeping under it.  
" Crazy Uncle Pat?"  
I was greeted with the all too familiar annoying and unnecessarily loud voice of my uncle.  
" Is that you, Tabby? Jaysus, I've been looking all over for ya!"  
I had the feeling my uncle had probably been sleeping for the entire time he had been on the island.  
" Pat, how'd you get here? Did you go on the plane?"  
" Sure I did! Your auntie V wanted to make sure nothin bad happened to ya!"  
" Bollocks," I muttered, " Does the plane crashing and all count?"  
" Not at all! We're alive aren't we? And on this beautiful island!"  
" Don't forget the monsters and pyschopaths."  
There was a distant roar.  
" That sounded like a Polar Bear, that did," Pat said.  
" Nevermind that," I said. " How've you been able to...survive?"  
" Eatin these!" he said, tossing me a rotten fruit. " And I've been developin a flyin machine! Wanna see?"  
I followed my uncle to a small clearing. There was a metal box and a few wires around it.  
" Any use?" I asked him.  
" Well, sure! I'll try it out!"  
He put on a helmet and said how much it reminded him of WWI. Unfortunately, my uncle is thirty one, surpassing me by ten years. He procedded to make some weird noises and stared up at the sky.  
" Any use?" he asked.  
" Made a bags of it," I told him. " You're still on the ground."  
" It's banjaxed, tis all."  
I rolled my eyes. We heard another roar, closer this time.  
" That _was _a bear!" my uncle said. " Come on, Toby!"  
He ran off in the direction of the bear, with all that ridiculous gear still on him, and I followed. We came across the same tree that everyone has been hiding or hanging from, and was now being clawed at by a giant Polar Bear. I had a feeling a Klondike Bar wasn't going to impress the bear. I spotted Locke and Michael sitting on top of the tree, and heard the shrill scream of the Chiclet tooth boy, Walt. I knew I had to do something, but was too afraid to. Michael and Walt stabbed the thing, and it retreated. Right in the direction of Patton. I tried to yell, but stopped when I saw my uncle slowly hover up, he was flying. I stood there, and was called by Locke and a beaming Walt. Creepy kid.

6:07 p.m. -"ANGER IS MERELY DEPRESSION WITHOUT ENTHUSIASM!"

I went back to camp, where I found Charlie fighting the temptation to read Claire's diary. At first I just stood there, still shaken by anti-Klondike bear, and then burst into laughter. The laughter turned to tears, and I just stood there crying, glancing at him and chuckling, and crying again. Charlie stood up and looked at me for a minute. Then he walked over to me and put his hands on my shoulders.  
" Don't cry, Tib," he told me. He started to shake me, so forcefully that my glasses fell off. " _Don't cry! _"  
" Charlie! What are you doing?" I asked.  
" You cannot cry. You haven't cried, you shouldn't cry, and you _won't cry_."  
He stared into my eyes, and I hate when people do that, it always creates that awkwardness... All I saw were those blue eyes that were begging me not to cry, and I knew that soon enough he would notice it and his expression would change. And I squirmed out of his grasp when I saw him blink, because I knew he had seen it. I ran off and, for some reason, Sawyer's words of there being nothing to read struck me. I pulled my luggage out of it's hiding space, and ripped off the Elven cloak. Now I'm just staring at my bag, wondering if I should take it out, and give it to Sawyer. On the plus side, I'm doing something nice. On the down side, I'm giving up a very personal item and sabotaging everything I've worked for. And, worse, 'Tiny Dancer' is blaring, and my only attempt at trying to at least try to talk to Charlie has gone because I'm self conscious! My sleeping pills are gone, and I don't know what to do.

-Toodles :(

(A/N: How was that? Did you understand the conversation between Tibby and her uncle? Do you know why Tibby ran away from Charlie? Any ideas as to what 'personal item' Tibby is referring to? Want to find out? A Flashback entry is next, and it explains all (and a LOT more)! In the meantime, why not review?)


	16. Flashback pt deux

( A/N: This is for all those people that begged for a Chibby romance. Chibby.... Sounds like a Pokemon. That's it, I'm making a franchise! )

**The LOST diaries **_-FLASHBACK pt deux_

DAY TWENTY TWO:

6: 31 p.m. -LOST, PLAIN AND SIMPLE

I was walking through the jungle with my bag and found myself at the grave of the U.S. Marshall. Honestly, some people. No respect, I say, no respect. He was a prick, yes, but the least you can do is bury his foot with the rest of his body. It was just sticking out of the ground for who knows how long. I sighed, put my bag down, and started covering the foot of a dead man with dirt.

A younger Tibby looks at a small pocket mirror. She sighes at the reflection of her eyes. Dark brown with very noticeable pink dots. After putting her glasses with pink lenses on, she stands up and looks at a tall handsome man facing the sun.

" You're starting to get doubts about your eyes, aren't you, Tibs?" the man asks, not turning around.

" No," Tibby hastily answers.

" You're fourteen," he says. " You'll get over it. Mum did."

Tibby smiles, walking up to the grave of her mother.

" Mum was different, Jaco. She was a full blown albino, and I just have weird dots in my eyes."

" You should be lucky then," Jaco says, lifting his hand to feel the breeze.

" No. I'm a freak," she pouts, looking at the mirror again.

He sighs, and a pigeon lands on his arm.

" Yes, I quite agree, Ike," Jaco says, stroking the small pigeon's feathers. " Tibby should quit her nagging and remember that her blind brother is standing right next to her and that she should be grateful."

Tibby looks at her sneakers. She hated it when Jacobin did that. Talk to animals like the blind lunatic he is.

" Mirror," her brother said, holding out his hand.

Tibby placed the small mirror in his hand, and watched as he closed his fingers around it. He stood there for a moment, then smashed it on a neighboring tombstone.

" That's seven years bad luck!" Tibby cried.

Jaco laughed.

" You're a Tomei, girlie. Your life's been cursed since the get-go."

6:56 p.m. -LOST

Just finished the foot burying. Just washed my hands and was about to read that book for the last time when I ran into Charlie. I was just going to dismiss him when I thought of something better.

" Charlie, can you tell me something about Drive Shaft?"

Charlie was a little bit confused, I guess trying to determine if this was a trick. I explained to him that I had a friend that was obsessed with Drive Shaft, and wanted to know if he had any interesting stories to tell. This left him on a Drive Shaft rampage, but I was eager to listen. Wait till Mary hears this.

Tibby is a now a little order (eighteen, if you must know) as she stares at a book in the window of a store. It's titled _Jacobin_, and she smiles at the picture of her brother on the cover. He died shortly after the mirror incident, and since then she moved to New Zealand. A plump and friendly hobbit looking woman is behind the counter as she spots Tibby and waves. The woman then gestures another woman to come over, points at the back of the book with Tibby's picture on it and then points at Tibby. The other woman smiles greatly and they both wave at the author in unison. Tibby smiles back and shakes her head as she walks away. She goes inside a record store, where The Doors is blasting and a teenage girl is holding a poster and looking at the poster wall, one that is covered completely with pictures of Led Zeppelin, Queen, and much more.

" Oh no, Mary, another one?" she asks the girl as she goes behind the counter.

Mary laughs and pulls out the poster. It shows two men they have both become all too familiar with. Liam from Drive Shaft is singing into a mic, and his brother Charlie is shredding the bass. Tibby laughs, the poster is extremely dorky.

" I love you, Liam," Mary whispers, stroking the two-dimensional face.

Tibby bursts into giggles.

" And Tibby's got some love for you too, Charlie," Mary says, smirking at Tibby.

Tibby considered telling Charlie that she didn't, but that would have been extremely stupid, Charlie was a poster. She blushes anyway, and Mary yells a loud, _"Ha!"_ and points at Tibby. Tibby's brother, Trotter, walks in the store, glances at the poster, and sighs.

" What is it now?" he asks Mary.

" Nothing," Mary says. " Tibby just won't admit that she's got the hots for Charlie."

" Who would?" Trotter says. " They're completely lame."

" They are not!" Mary yells.

" Come on!" Trotter, the musical genius of the store, exclaims. " Have you actually listened to 'You All Everybody'? It's just the same verse over and over and over..."

7:42 p.m. -LOST

Charlie burst out laughing at my impressions of Mary and Trotter arguing. He said he had his fair share of both Marys and Trotters in the past, of which I replied, "And Merrys," and he just looked at me for a second and started laughing again. We both seem to be getting drunk but there's no alchohol. We're having a smashing time just talking.

A car door opens, revealing a drunken twenty year old Tibby crawling out of the vehicle.

" I'll be fine, guys!" she gurgled.

The car drives off, and the singing to "You All Everybody" of the other drunken passengers that were invited to the party celebrating the publishing of Tibby's second book, _Mot_, is heard over the rumble of the engine. Tibby manages to get on her feet and shuffles up the walkway to her house. She grabs the door for support and hopes that the door which she knew she locked before is unlocked, so she wouldn't have to fumble with putting six keys in twelve locks. Miraculously, the door is unlocked, and she stumbles inside.

" Hello?"

She looks up, and a boy is there. He seems about sixteen or so, and he is holding a copy of her book.

" Um...Hello?" Tibby says, hoping this is a dream. The boy scared her sober, and she wonders what the hell he is doing in her house.

" Uh, the landlord let me in," the boy says. " I was wondering if I could have an autograph? Or, is this a wrong time?"

Tibby was still boggling at the fact that her grouchy landlord across the street would let a stranger into her house. If Tibby locked herself out, he'd reply that he was busy, to wait a day or so, and to not break any of the windows, they both knew who'd have to pay for it.

" Sure," Tibby replies, and the boy gives her a pen and the book. She realizes the alchohol still has an effect, but doesn't want to upset the boy, and scribbles on the inside of the book.

" What's your name?" she asks him.

" Huh? Oh... Jeremiah."

" Jeremiah? Lovely name... Next time I write a book, it'll be called _Jeremiah. _I can see it now." The liquor was coming back. " Jeremiah was a bull frog... Was a good friend of mine! Didn't understand a single word he said, but I helped him-"

Tibby was in a man's arms, a firefighter's, and being carried out the house. She didn't have to look back at the house to know what was going on. She had passed out, her house had somehow caught on fire, and she was now homeless. She was later informed that her landlord had hit over the head with something and died, and that they had already informed her nearest relatives, her Aunt Vereker and V's brother Patton, and that she should stay there for the time being.

8:16 p.m. -LOST

I pulled out that book and smiled at the cover. Charlie was still there, and I thought he fell asleep, but when he saw that book he immediately asked me what it was. I told him it was _Jacobins_, and that the man on the cover was my brother Jacobin. I guess I got carried away, because I started to tell him everthing about my Jacobin and Trotter, my mum, my dad that died in a freak waffle iron accident, and it was his turn to listen. He said he was surprised I didn't have a boyfriend.

Tibby opened the door to the old house.

" V? Auntie? Pat? Anyone here?" she calls to the empty house.

She turns around to close the door and sees a boy standing in the street. A car goes by, and he's gone. But Tibby's pretty sure that it's the same... She shakes her head. It's late. She is going to the airport tomorrow, and she hopes she won't have to go back to this hellhole of a house ever again. Maybe she'll move to Idaho. Someone said it was nice there. She goes over all her thoughts as she walks to the kitchen, where a note is taped to the table telling her that Vereker had taken Pat to the aquarium again and would be staying at a friend's house, and would pick her up in the morning. She grabs a soda and climbs both flights of stairs to the attic. Her floor. She is surprised to see Cyril sitting at her desk. His back is turned to her, and there are papers scattered all over the desk.

" Cyril?" She calls her editor. " Cyril, what are you doing here?"

Cyril doesn't move. She supposes he fell asleep or something. She walks over to the chair and swings him around. A little voice told her what she would see, but another part of her wanted to see a smiling Cyril laughing at her, embracing her, but she knew...

Cyril's blue eyes stare into the distance and there is blood on his shirt, on his lips, and all over his neck. His throat has been cut, and now Tibby has a dead man in her attic. In her room. Her first instinct is to cry, and cry she does. She sits in the corner of her room and quietly sobs. But she knows she has to get some control, she sees dead people all the time. Taking a deep breath, she pulls Cyril out of the chair.

It is two in the morning, and Tibby stands over the grave in her backyard, leaning over the shovel. She sighs, puts the shovel back in the shed, and somehow manages to get back to her bed. She lies there for a minute, and her aunt opens the door.

" Tabitha! Get up! I've got my morning walk to do, and it's an hour and a half drive to the airport."

9:13 p.m. -LOST AND LOVED

Me and Charlie were having very intellectual conversations and looking at the stars. And debating who's better. Novel writers or song writers.

" I'm giving you all the credit. I mean, you guys are so much smarter than us!" Charlie said.

" What do you mean? Song writers write the most beautiful of works! You guys can write almost anything and can make it work," I said.

" Yeah, but I write shit," he said grumpily.

Ah, now I know to not get drunk with Charlie. He's one of those depressed drunks.

" Charlie, quit it. You're-"

I didn't get to finish, cause Charlie kissed me. Okay, let me rephrase that. CHARLIE KISSED ME! I'm acting all giddy NOW, but when he kissed me I was a bit pissed off that he cut me off in mid-sentence for a liplock. So we were snogging (never thought I'd use that term again. Oh dear, I said 'again') when I heard that voice I would've loved to have heard anytime but at that very moment.

" Charlie?"

Charlie looked at the direction of where the voice came from.

" Claire?"

( A/N: That was it. Tibby's secret, or was it? and a little romance for you people that wanted some romance. And that was... three of you? What does Claire do? What does Charlie do? What does Tibby do? Want to find out? You're going to wait like the rest of us, for a new LOST before that happens! If anyone still reads this, well... Review in the meantime. )


	17. Homecoming

**the LOST diaries **- pt. 15

DAY TWENTY THREE:  
9:19 a.m. -LA LA LA LA LA LA LOST!

Oodles of things happened, but I'll start off with last night. Me and Charlie were snogging and Claire had just walked in and I woke up. This is getting ridiculous. I was sleeping close by Charlie, and I think we were having the same dream. Except he kept muttering "Pippin" under his breath. Lo and behold, Claire does show up, and everyone is running around frantically trying to find peanut butter. Saw her and felt a weird chill. She wasn't dead, but it seemed as if... I dunno, the lights were on, but noone was home. Like Shannon. Was proven right when she woke up, saw us, and screamed, _" WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?"_ And I laughed. I don't know why, but whenever someone says"WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE" or "IT'S GOING TO KILL US ALL" I laugh. I always thought it was funny.

3:55 p.m.- LOST AND LOVIN' IT!

Was stalking Charlie when spotted Jin. Charlie decided to have a chat with him. Amazing. So desperate, talks to Korean man who doesn't understand a word of English. ...Okay. I'll admit it, I've done it too. Then a rock came flying out of nowhere and nailed Jin in his square head. I'll admit again that, yes, I made a run for it to the nearest tree thinking the Orcs were coming. But it was just Ethan, clutching what looked like what could be Hurley's thong and baring these weird scars on his face. He started to choke Charlie (nothing he hasn't gone through before). Saw Charlie's hobbit feet dangling, and I couldn't help but take the time to notice that Ethan is a robot. He keeps saying"Blah blah blah... I will kill one of them." Who is this "them"? I think of the homemade Ent action figures I made once when I was completely sloshed and am terrified. Also, why do weird things always happen when Jin's around? And why am I always there? Saw one of Charlie's stupid "flashback" things. First off, why is there a juke box in every pub and bar in England when I can never find one EVER at home? ...Also, Charlie has a lame, arrogant sense of humor.

6:22 p.m. - LOST

Was helping Locke, Boone, and Sayid make "booby traps". Ha ha. There I go again. Cock pit. Locke's genius plan was to fill plastic bags with soda cans and have them drop on anyone that walked underneath. And it was my job to be the test subject. Locke would hit that rock with his stupid stick and it would crash on my head.

"How's that?" he asked after the eighth time.

"I dunno... I don't think they're going to knock out Ethan... or anyone else, for that matter."

"What do you suggest we do?" Sayid asked. Noticed he says "What do you suggest" a lot.

"I have a lot of pens," Boone said. "I told you we should've made them come out like spikes."

"No, I don't mean that. I mean, maybe we could fill the cans with sand or something," I suggested.

They praised me for my genius, then sent Boone, still sulking about the pen spike idea to go find sand. He was so ticked off he forgot we were on an island, and that you don't neccessarily have to "find" sand. Boone's going to be on "sentry duty" tonight, meaning that we're screwed.

DAY TWENTY-FOUR:  
8:47 p.m. -LOST

Today was a day of mixed emotions. Started off this morning when I was looking for Scott. That was an adventure in itself.

"Hey, Scott!"

"No, I'm Steve."

"Sorry. You're Scott."

"Uh, no. I'm Nick."

"Nick? Nevermind, there he is. Hey, Scott!"

"Bob."

Then someone screamed, a loud, unneccessary scream, and everyone ran to the beach. Where, to my dismay in particular, lay Scott. Kate was talking behind me with someone, and I couldn't helpbut overhear the conversation.

"Do you think it was an accident?"

"How could it be? His neck was snapped. His bones were broken in twenty places. His teeth were rearranged. His jaw was broken. His ear was cut off. He was stabbed two hundred times and his spine shattered."

"Oh my God."

"That's just the beginning. His skull was fractured, his nail was broken, his belly button had lint, and even worse..."

"What?"

"He had a paper cut."

Kate is beyond positive. We buried poor Scott, where Hurley said some emotional stuff.

"Sorry I kept calling you Steve, man."

After everyone left, I stood there, feeling very close to home, and stared at that little cross above his dirt mound.

"Thanks, Scott. You were the only one that laughed at that dream I had where I was a muffin and Hurley tried to eat me."

When I got back to camp everyone was planning a secret ambush. Jack was distributing guns and when I asked for one everyone laughed. Sawyer put his hand on my shoulder and said something about me being the comic relief on the island. Ever since I gave him the book, I feel like we're friends. Even though it's like the friendship you have when you're a kid and you know an adult that hangs out with you and laughs at your jokes. Yeah. It's that awkwardness that bonds me with everyone on the island. After everyone laughed, Jack announced they had "places to go and caps to pop in some asses" and everyone muttered and followed him. I stood there for a while, reliving a certain someone else's flashback. All I have to say is, Charlie's selling tactics. GENIUS. After a while, I decided to pop over to where the real party was. All I know is that I showed up in a tree. I saw Locke put his finger to his lips, telling Jack to be quiet, and Jack continued the gesture to everyone else. And when Sayid looked over and saw me he got this confused look and mouthed the words "Don't do ANYTHING." Ethan popped up, and Jack used his super powers to beat him to near death. When Ethan was already near a paralyzed mode, Charlie came over with a gun and blasted him several times. My hero. I still think Ethan was a robot...

10:17 p.m. -LOST

Have just been relaxing. Claire told Charlie she remembered the peanut butter thing, than later went up to me and said how she remembered me telling her to take the real peanut butter and how I said that Charlie was a nice guy.

"You like him, don't you?" she asked me.

I thought about that.

"I also liked thinking we would get off this island," I said. "But fate thought differently."

(A/N: How was that? Was it funny? I don't even know. I seriously think that Ethan is a robot. Then again, I also thought the Polar Bear spoke Spanish. I'm still mourning Scott, and am planning on getting sick and going to Office Depot soon. I wonder what their policy is... Please review! )


	18. Outlaws

**the LOST diaries **- **pt. 16**

DAY TWENTY NINE:  
10: 28 a.m. -LOST

Had weird dream with the cutest little blonde boy in it. Oddly enough, it was the same kid from Claire's dream, just with shorter hair. Odd. Anyhoo, woke up and heard something rustling. There was a flashlight next to me, so, naturally, I used it to shine it in my eyes. But in the process, it startled whatever had been rustling, and when I looked up, there was a cow. No, not Hurley, but a cow. Like the kind that fly past your car when you're trying to out run a twister.

"Moo?" I said stupidly. Let's bare in mind that I had just woken up and, of course, am not the brightest of people.

"Dairy World?" the cow asked.

"Sorry, this is LOST."

"Oh, darn it!" said the cow, vanishing.

Odd. Heard grunting noise, and saw a blue cape run past my sleeping bag. Sawyer was chasing the cape, and since curiousity got the better of me, I reluctantly got up and stumbled to the forest where I last saw Sawyer run after the Blue Wonder. I laughed when it came and hit Sawyer, but Sawyer yelled, "Who's there?" He seemed pretty angry, so I decided to whisper to throw him off.

"Whisper whisper cucumber."

I got back to the beach before he did, saw the plane sticking out of the sand (Sawyer's obvious place of shelter) and got envious. I do that a lot. Just break out into fits of jealousy. So I trashed his camp and ran off when I saw him coming. All he's been doing this morning is complain about how the boar has something against him, and how he was going to get back at him. Oh, how I heart the pork that is my genius.

3: 12 p.m. -LOST

Was walking around camps when spotted Claire. She took the time to complain how everyone wasn't listening to her, blah blah blah, and how Charlie was acting weird.

"Charlie? Weird? Where?"

She pointed over to where Charlie had been sitting, less than five feet away, where he had turned around and was looking at us, rolling his eyes. I sat down next to him, watching him roll tape around something that was starting to oddly resemble-

"If you say anything about this resembling Gandalf's stalf, I'm going to beat you into a coma." He turned around, looked at Claire, and said loudly, "And you can tell Claire that, too!"

Claire rolled her eyes. This was somewhat fun, but at the time I was too terrified of Charlie's stalf to notice. Ran off and found Sawyer and Kate walking through the jungle, argueing about hunting down the boar.

"You're being ridiculous," Kate was saying. "Why not just let Locke kill it?"

"The damn thing trashed my camp! It's personal now."

They both looked at me, curious as to whose side I was on.

"Listen to the man! He knows what he's doing!" I said, then coughed.

Kate rolled her eyes (everyone's so good at that).

6: 27 p.m. -LOST (ROLLS EYES)

Helped Charlie buried Ethan. Finally, something I'm useful for! Hurley chipped in, too. I wouldn't exactly say he helped, but he helped set the mood by saying this would end with the three of us bawling and heading for the woods. Me and Charlie stared at him blankly.

"I don't know how they do these on planet Hurley," I began, "but we respect your customs. Why don't you start this 'heading for the woods' thing, and we'll join you?"

Charlie picked up his homemade shovel, pointed it at Hurley in a threatening manner, and we both watched Hurley head for the hills.

"Run, Forest, Run!"

10: 33 p.m. -LOST

Oh, how I love the booze. Camping with Sawyer and Kate finally pays off. Played a game called, "I Never". I never been to college, but I played the game many a time in my day. Always lost, too.

"I never kissed a man," Sawyer said. I took a sip.

"I never wore pink," Kate said. Another sip.

"I never been married," Sawyer said. More booze.

"I never had a one night stand," Kate said. Gulped down a bottle.

"I never been to Disneyland," Sawyer said.

"What's a (hic) Disneyland?"

"Tibby, you're out of the game!"

"No fair!"

After everyone went to sleep, I trashed the camp again, looking for more booze.

DAY THIRTY:  
9: 40 a.m. -LOST

Sawyer woke up and was pissed. When asked if I saw the boar go by, I responded with a "I never!" Locke came and told us a story about his sister and how a golden retriever had taken her place in the family. There was a long pause after the tale.

"So... The boar is Sawyer's sister?"

"No."

"Is the boar your sister?"

"No."

"Is the boar-"

"No, Tibby! The boar isn't anyone's sister! The boar is a spirit!"

"...Of Sawyer's sister?"

5: 46 p.m. -LOST

Found Charlie beating coconuts with his stalf. Sayid came over and explained that he had killed someone and felt sorry for it even though...blah blah blah. Was too engrossed in Charlie's eyes. Then Sayid left, saying something about him not being alone, and to stop pretending to be.

"You know, Charlie, you have wonderful eyes," I told him.

"Claire has pretty eyes," Charlie murmured, staring at the waves.

I have to stop prentending and admit I'm fighting a losing battle.

"Yes, Claire has wonderful eyes. And she misses you."

Charlie got up. I sat there, watching him find Claire, and felt someone breathing down my neck.

"I think you have pretty eyes," Walt said, his eyes bulging and a large Chiclet smile on his face.

"Oh, hello, Walt."

Walt continued to stand there and gape.

"Um... Go away."

What a creepy kid. Reminds me of myself as a child. Found Sawyer talking to Jack, discussing the Red Sox. I think I would get along with Jack's dad. He was a philosopher, but only when he was a drinker. He was dead, and I know we could totally bond. Mistake to tell Jack this, he just stared at me and than ignored me by slaving away at that stupid wood pile of his. I'm back at the beach now, watching Charlie and Claire walk, Walt playing with his dog while Michael makes that flying machine of his. And I think, "I wonder what my life would be like if that boar was my sister."

-Tibby T

(A/N: Once again, I'm left reading this thinking, What the hell was I thinking? All this LOST is taking an effect on my noggin. Pretty please, tell me if this was funny or not, because I'm still LOST! )


	19. LOST in Translation

**the LOST diaries **-** pt. 17**

DAY THIRTY-TWO  
1:07 p.m. -LOST

There was a big commotion this morning. Sun revealed her anorexic self to the world when she walked around the beach in her bikini. Frankly, I like her better with clothes. Maybe it's just my strong dislike for skinny people. Hell, those hobbit meals didn't pay off for me in the long run. Anyhoo, Sun's actions horrified Jin, who came running yelling incoherent words in Korean. Of course, everything he says is incoherent, especially when those helpful subtitles are around. They started arguing in right in front of camp, so everyone stopped to watch. And Michael, who always tries to steal the spotlight but has realized that the white folks will always put him down, decided to interfere and was slapped by none other than Sun. I was watching from the trees with Boone.

"What was that?" Boone asked.

"That was awesome!" I answered.

DAY THIRTY-THREE:  
10: 21 a.m. -LOST

More hoopla last night. I was with Sun and Kate, who at first gossiped about Walt having a crush on me (I KNEW Chiclet was up to SOMETHING!), and then took a turn to Sun and Jin, blah, blah, blah. Everyone started running so we had no choice but to follow them. Kate asked Charlie what was going on and, Charlie being our number one informant, answered with a mere, "Raft" and pointed in the direction of the boat that Michael has been building. There was no need to point, it was obvious everyone was running in the same direction. To the flaming raft. Alas, all the more reason to run to it.

"Quick!" I told Hurley. "Run into the fire and smother the flames!"

Everyone much rather took the old "throwing sand on the fire" trick, which was useless and uneffective, but gave them something to do. Michael was convinced the fire had been Jin's doing. I don't know why, Sun had been the one that slapped him. Now everyone thinks that Jin (who has burns on his hands?) started the fire. All I can do is sigh with relief. Thank Gandalf noone thinks it's me. ...Not that it is, or anything. The raft seems to be ruined. Thus ends the reign of the Nebakanezer.

8:06 p.m. -LOST

Ugh. Sayid and Shannon. Charlie and Claire. Kate and Jack. Kate and Sawyer. Kate and... anyone on the island of the male persuasion. Heard Sayid flirting with Shannon a few days ago. Said something about living alone with an overweight aunt. Evidently, someone has told him of my life story. This morning Sawyer brought in a heavily bruised and beaten Jin on the island. I didn't even know he left. Shows how helpful I am. Michael started to beat him up, and everyone just stood around them in a circle. Across from me was Charlie, his hood up and his arm shielding his face from the sun. Looking at him and everyone else in the circle, then down at the two fighting men, I have come back to my first outlook of the island and it's occupants. That I'm stuck in a deathtrap with a bunch of mindless idiots. Looking around again, I think, but at least they're good looking.

"STOP IT!" I heard someone say. It was Sun, and of course Charlie was first to state the obvious.

"You speak English!"

The fight immediately ceased, and as Jack interrogated Sun, I thought of what would've happened if I had said "Stop it" in Korean. I bet everyone would be pissed that I didn't tell them what Jin and Sun were saying the entire month on the island, but I bet noone would have been suprised. Now I'm back to not knowing what Jin is saying. I'm LOST in translation.

DAY THIRTY-FOUR:

3:23 a.m. -LOST

Locke was talking to Walt. Apparently, Walt had torched down the Nebakanezer. Because he didn't want to leave the island.

"I like it here," he said, giving me that weird smile.

I had to resist the temptation of giving him a certain "greeting" with two fingers that didn't make out peace. But instead I found Hurley listening to his walkman. He couldn't hear me, but I was going on about how could he listen to his walkman, and when was he going to run out of batteries. Then the faint music coming from his headphones stopped, and he tapped the CD Player.

"Son of a bitch..."

Tibby T

(A/N: Okay, I know this one was short and probably not that funny. Oh, well. I'm probably a lunatic for writing these things anyway. I think Hurley's episode is next, and that one should be good. In the meantime... review, I guess.)

(Jeez, just looked back at it and realized this one's almost shorter than Jumbalayah! That's what I call that one... Ahem. I promise next one will be better!)


	20. Numbers

**the LOST diaries **- pt. 18

DAY THIRTY-FIVE:  
2:56 p.m. -LOST

This morning was helping Michael and Jin build raft. Normally I would've kept my distance. But I saw Hurley there and thought they must have been way behind schedule already. Yes, by the time I got there Hurley was in the mood to build a snowman. Honestly, like Jin wanted him to make snowballs...moron. Michael was asking Jack if we could make some sort of distress call or something, and they were trying to figure out how Sayid would power it. Because, as we all know, Sayid just loves slaving away on little radios that make out useless distress calls. Then Hurley, with a stroke of genius, suggested that the French Lady would have batteries. So we all went to find Sayid, who immediately declined on the idea of going out to find her. At first, he said he didn't know how to find her.

"Well, what about when you came back?" Hurley asked.

"I...I was disoriented. I didn't even know where I was."

It was obvious he was just trying to get out of it. Noone in their right mind would want to visit the French. But the others persisted.

"What about the maps? They might lead us to her," Jack suggested.

Sayid sighed and handed the maps to Hurley, who leafed through them and stopped suddenly. I looked at the paper and read: PORKCHOP EXPRESS. THE LUCKY PIG SPEAKS! Above that were some numbers. Hmmm... The French are hiding something...

DAY THIRTY-SIX:  
8:12 p.m. -LOST

Last night I followed Hurley around camp. He wanted to ask Sayid some questions, so we both stood over him with crazy grins until he woke up, startled.

"What the hell are you doing!" he cried.

"Uh, I just wanted to ask you a few questions-"

"Not you. Her."

They both looked at me trying to bite Sayid's shoe off.

"My, you have large feet," I said, not having any idea what came over me.

"Okaaaayyy," Hurley said, looking at me curiously. "I wanted to know about these numbers..."

He and Sayid started talking as I sulked away. I had no idea what came over me, but I have come to the conclusion that... THE FRENCH ARE TAKING OVER MY MIND! Or I have developed a foot fetish. OR THE FRENCH ARE TAKING OVER MY MIND!

1:20 p.m. -LOST

Was walking with Charlie when we ran into Hurley, filling up water bottles. We asked him what he was doing, and he said, "My, you have large feet." I blushed, and Charlie started to pester Hurley, demanding he go on a walk with him. Finally, Hurley cracked, crying, "LEAVE ME ALONE!" and ran off. Which took ten minutes. Then I went to the beach, and sat next to Claire. Locke came over and asked Claire if she could help him with something. Claire politely refused, and I eagerly volunteered.

"No, I'd prefer Claire to help me," Locke said.

"Come on, I need to do something..."

"Let her do it, I'm exhausted..."

"I WANT CLAIRE TO DO IT!" Locke barked.

So they went off into the jungle, Locke pulling Claire's arm and Claire looking back at me with pleading eyes. I was going to go off after them, but my Tibby senses were tingling, telling me that something far more interesting was going on in the jungle. Sure enough, Sayid, Jack, and Charlie were running around in complete chaos, wondering where Hurley went. I said I heard some rap music in the general direction of a big spiky death trap I had found earlier, and they all stared at me.

"Where is that?" Jack asked.

I pointed over to a path that they all had overlooked.

"Your shoe's untied," Charlie said.

The second I kneeled to tie my shoe, they all ran down the path, evidently trying to not make me follow them. But I got there before they did, seeing Hurley standing on a metal plate that would trigger the trap if he stepped off. We all shouted at him not to move, but then Hurley said something I'll never forget in my life.

"I can make it, I'm spry."

Like a cat he jumped off, landing on the ground with a thud and then bouncing back, as the giant spiky ball swept past him. Sayid and Jack then interrogated him, and Hurley said he was off looking for batteries. We decided we would all go together. The Search for the Holy Battery.

4:46 p.m. -LOST

We had been walking for quite awhile when we came across a bridge. It didn't look very stable at all, but Hurley decided he would test it's capability. Halfway through crossing, a troll appeared on the bridge.

"I am Cyrus, and this is my Wobbly Bridge. Seldom few ever pass it. You may, only if you answer my three questions correctly," the troll announced.

"Hurley, don't do it!" Jack cried.

"Okay," Hurley said.

"What is your name?" the troll asked.

"Hugo Reyes."

"What is your mission?"

"I'm on the Search for the Holy Battery."

"What is your favorite color?"

"Blue."

The troll let him pass.

"This is easy," Charlie said. He began to cross the bridge.

"I am Cyrus, and this is my Wobbly Bridge. Blah blah blah, you know the rules."

Charlie nodded.

"What is your name?"

"Uh, do I have to answer my real name?"

"What?"

"Do I have to answer the name I was born with or my nickname?"

"Well, what did the other guy do?"

"My real name," Hurley answered from the other side of the bridge.

"Then you have to answer with your real name."

"Fine. Charles Jerome Pace," Charlie mumbled.

"What?"

"Charel Jeroh Pace."

"Speak clearly!"

I giggled.

"CHARLES JEROME PACE!"

"Your name's Jerome?" Jack asked, laughing.

"It's the name of a saint!" Charlie protested, his face reddening.

"Alright, Jerome." Laughter from all parties.

"Shut up!" Charlie whined.

"What is your mission?"

"I'm on the Search for the Holy Battery."

"Final question! What is your favorite color?"

"Red." The troll's eyes turned into slits. "No, blue!"

The troll disappeared and the bridge started to fall. Luckily, Charlie made it across just in time. We were split up. Jack, Sayid, and I on one side, and Hugo and Jerome on the other. Jack told them to stay where they were. Hurley yelled back that Sayid and Jack should stay while he and Charles continued the Search. Charlie, still shaken up from the experience snapped and yelled at Hurley to listen to Jack and to stop acting like a bloody lunatic.

"Geez, calm down, Jerome..."

We went our separate ways, and I followed Jack and Sayid in the jungle. Sayid started to remember something, but Jack tripped over another wire and there was an explosion. As Jack and Sayid were looking through the site afterward, I walked around and stopped when I heard weird voices. I looked down and saw two little creatures arguing. They looked like small people, but weren't Hobbits.

"Halt!" One said. "Who goes there?"

"Honestly, End," the other said. "We can obviously see the person, she's over four feet taller than us."

"Silence, Dek!" the first snapped at the other. "You have to be intimidating!"

"Um... What are you?" I asked them.

"Why, we're French! Can't you tell by our rideekulus accents?" End answered.

I hadn't noticed. End was mustering a horrible French accent, but Dek wasn't even trying. The obviously English Dek asked,"Did you like our booby trap?"

"You set this up?" I asked him.

"Well, no, but-"

"Don't tell her that! We ah supposed to be inteemidating!"

"Oh, that accent is horrible, why don't you-"

I left them arguing and decided to poof over to where Charlie and Hurley were. They were arguing about each other's names, and I decided to butt in.

"Shut up, Tibby. And what exactly is _your_ full name?" Charlie asked

"Tabitha Lucille Tomei."

"Damn it," Charlie mumbled.

"Do you guys hear bullets?"

A bullet hit a nearby tree and we all screamed and ran in different directions. I passed Hurley and the French Lady twice, ran over the French, and ran right into Charlie when we realized we were back with Jack and Sayid. Just about to look for Hurley when he waltzes over, holding a battery and telling us the French Lady said hey.

8:38 p.m. -LOST

I poofed over to where Claire and Locke were without intending to, but they seemed happy to see me. Claire still had no idea what they were making, and I could very easily look at the upside down object and tell it was a crib or something. Claire told us it was her birthday. Locke gave her the cradle and told her "Happy Birthday". I then entertained them with a Murdoc Show Happy Birthday song. The original had nineteen verses, of which I had long forgotten, so I would keep pausing in the middle of the song. They laughed anyway, they thought it was part of the song.

"Happy Happy Birthday from the Murdoc Show! We'd wish you a Happy Birthday, but now it's time to go! Happy Happy Birthday! We hope it's really grand! Something Something Something...Oh, dammit!"

Went to Hugo's campfire, where Hurley was explaining to Charlie that he was cursed. Charlie then told us he was having a fix in the bathroom. I took that opportunity to yell at Charlie for hogging the bathroom during that flight, because I really had to go. Charlie then yelled at Hurley, saying that the least he could do was tell him his deepest darkest secret. The whole time I felt like I was at a slumber party, sitting next to Charlie and waiting for the secret to unfold.

"Okay, Hurley said. "Back home...I'm worth one hundred and fifty-six million dollars."

We were dead silent. Then... "Fine, don't tell me," Charlie said. "I bear my soul and all I get is bloody jokes."

Charlie walked off, leaving me and Hurley staring at the flames. After a few minutes, I said, "I believe you, man."

"You do?"

"Yeah. Back home, I'm a writer of two best-selling books and a producer and writer for a popular talk show."

Hurley laughed, clapped me on the shoulder, and said, "You're funnier than I thought."

Tibby T

(A/N: I know, I know. This wasn't as funny as it could've been, but it did have it's moments. And it's two weeks late. My bad. What do you think? Please review! Be honest, be brutal, be brutal!)

(For all you Murdoc Show fans, I'm going to try to get it on Fanfiction Press. Don't know how, don't know when, but I will try! ;)


	21. DUES eX mACHINA

**the LOST diaries **- pt. 19

DAY THIRTY-SEVEN:  
2:00 p.m. -LOST

Spent all morning helping Locke and Boone make a trebuchet. Of course, when Locke first sprung the idea on us, Boone said "Bless you." It's weird, I'm the only one that's ever included in their plans. Probably because of my amazing ability to distract the others. At this point, my lame tapdancing is entertaining for all of the islanders, and I'm a regular at Sawyer's nightclub. Well, it's in the building process, anyway. Michael and Jin just don't know it yet.

DAY THIRTY-EIGHT:  
1:09 p.m. -LOST

It was six in the morning when Locke and Boone left camp and went into the wilderness. Since I had to go to the bathroom and Boone's loud groans woke me up anyway, I decided to tag along. Locke didn't seem to care. He was too busy explaining his odd dream- a sign, he called it -to Boone.

"You know," I began, "I have visions too."

"Sure you do," Boone sighed.

"No, really. I have visions of other people's memories."

Boone rolled his eyes in doubt.

"If I didn't have those visions, I wouldn't know that you, Boone Carlisle, are a very sick man. With terrible taste, if I should say so. She's way too fast for you, and quite the bitch, if you ask me."

Boone's eyes widened, and Locke smiled in that knowing way of his. Something tells me none of this is a surprise to him.

"And you, John. Well, let's just say I like you better bald."

The next few minutes we walked in silence, and I couldn't help notice that Locke was stumbling a little.

"Hey Locke?" I asked. "Have you ever had that dream where you're naked and Ronald McDonald's beating you with his shoe?"

Boone's reaction was a bewildered "What!" Locke just shook his head.

"Oh, well... Neither have I."

3:25 p.m. -LOST

Sawyer's been having a lot of headaches lately. Serves him right, if you ask me. With all those nicknames he's given me. "Specks." "Short-stop." "Four-Eyes." "George." Walking around camp when I heard Jack and Sawyer talking. Sawyer made a joke of his insurance running out. Jack laughed.

"Insurance running out, that's a good one."

"No, it's not," I stepped in.

"Is that so, Hot Shot?" Sawyer asked.

Jack glanced at me and back at Sawyer, then walked off.

"You think you're so funny, you... you Red Neck!"

"That's right, you... Trekkie!"

I gasped. "You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep."

That conversation ended with that awkward silence. You know the one. ...Yeah. Anyway, since neither Claire nor Charlie were around, I went back to Locke and Boone, where they had just discovered a dead body. Boone was curious as to how long the man had been dead, and Locke said that, with the clothes the man was wearing, noone would be able to tell. Oh, I'm not an expert at that type of thing, but maybe the horrificly decayed flesh could help us reach some estimate. Locke lost his balance or something and couldn't get up, and I wasn't in the mood to drag him around, so I left Boone. And went to the beach, where to my delight, Sawyer was putting on glasses. I was secretly hoping he's look like Johnny Depp in Secret Window, but not so. ...Not that I like Johnny Depp. -cough- Hurley walked by during this time and called Sawyer Harry Potter, which, unfortunately, was way off too. Not that... Oh, nevermind. After my mocking and joking, Sawyer stood up, crossed his arms, and looked at me. I think the same thought went through both our minds. That we were equals. This proved to be true, when a minute later, we both turned around, kicked the dirt, and muttered, "Oh, hell."

10:05 p.m. -LOST

Locke and Boone had discovered a plane of some sort. Filled with heroin and maps of Nigeria, we can fully conclude one thing about our dead body. That, whoever he was, he was a complete moron. Honestly, Nigeria. How far off could you...? The point was, there was complete chaos in the minutes that followed, what with the plane falling, Boone getting crushed, and the heroin going all over the place and whatnot. Locke carried Boone all the way back to camp, but I stopped at the hatch. Soon, Locke was back at the hatch,and, not realizing I was there, poundedon the little window and asking why wouldn't it open. Then a light shone from the little window, and I heard a strange voice.

"E.T. no home right now... Leave a message..."

Tibby T

(A/N: I probably am losing my edge. Oh well. Looking forward to the next ep, for the season to end, and for me to proudly boast that I'm the only one insane enough to actually do my own recap for every episode in a funny diary form through someone else's view. Uh... that said, feel free to review.)


	22. Do No Harm

**the LOST diaries **- pt. 20

DAY THIRTY-NINE:  
9:12 a.m. -LOST

Well, there was chaos the entire night. And to think, Sawyer slept through all of it. For starters, there was the bloody mess that was Boone, and Locke was nowhere around. I left with Kate before Jack thought of interrogating me. We went to find the alchohol that Sawyer kept in his stash (Okay, so he was awake to give us that. But he seemed to sleep fine knowing that he had just given up all of his alchohol for the sake of a dying friend). Then we ran back into the jungle, and Kate, as always in situations like these, fell and broke some of the bottles. We then heard weird noises, and, lo and behold, Claire was in labor. Claire was panicing and yelling, Kate was panicing and yelling, and my cries of, "It's not even six o'clock! Why now?" rang throughout the jungle. Soon, Jin came, saw Claire, and immediately started walking backwards, but Kate stopped him and told him to deliver the bottles to Jack. She could have, of course, sent me, but the obvious language barrier problem was to tempting to pass up. I didn't want to be anywhere near the two women, so I ran after Jin, thinking I could help the others understand what he was saying. It's never good when I start thinking.

But I did, and, for no particular reaosn, an old memory came to me. Memories seem to come and go at the oddest times on this island, so I didn't think much of it. The memory began with me standing in an elevator, a dead man on a moving table next to me. It was only my second month at the morgue, so I was still fairly new to the whole dead people thing. I had already gotten used to the silence, the lonliness, the stench. My co-workers would often joke about how the dead's eyes would open, or their hands would be gripped tightly by little Susie, who had died two days ago. I never took much mind of this, since I knew they were just stories.

What I didn't know was that, after a human being (or an animal, for that matter) dies, they might experience muscle spasms. These normally don't last long after the person has died, maybe ten, twelve hours. Sometimes fifteen. But there I was, a mere rookie, whistling softly to myself in the elevator with nine floors to go. All of a sudden, the body sat up. Just like you or I, the man's middle bent and he was sitting up, blanket covering his face. This, as you can imagine, scared me out of my socks and I half expected the blanket to fall off, exposing a malicious grin and white eyes, revealing my utter demise. To be honest, I was fully expecting it. The lift was nowhere near stopping, so there I was, stuck in an elevator with one of the living dead and no way of escaping. I clung to the door, waiting to run out, but still looked back at the zombie. His stomach seemed to clench under the sheet, and he flopped right back down. The door opened, and Cas was standing there, a puzzled look on his face.

"Tibby?" he said. "Why, you're as pale as a-"

I shoved past him and ran out the doors, not to return for almost two weeks.

"Jack! Doctor!"

I was brought back to reality with Jin handing the bag to Jack, explaining Claire's predicament. Of course, Charlie just had to be there to overhear, and just had to butt in, and just had to be instructed to go help Kate, and just had to ask me if I had worked in a hospital, and just had to drag me with him when I responded, "Yes, but I-" Charlie and I both ran at the same speed, largely due to the fact of our identical hobbit's physique, even more due to his death grip on my wrist. The whole time I was yelling things like, "I can't do this! I worked with dead people!" When Charlie said he knew he had faith in me, I yelled back, "So what, I worked at a hospital! I'm not a doctor! You did drugs, that doesn't mean you're a pharmacist!"

I soon came to realize that Boone's fate was something I wouldn't be experiencing. Claire's fate rested in my hands. And none of us were too happy about that.

"Where's Jack?" was the first thing out of her mouth when she saw us. I wouldn't blame her. Someone that doesn't speak your language, a foreign, and Jin were probably the last people you'd want to see when you were giving birth. But, there we were, the rejects, and we were all she had. While Jin was trying to comfort Claire, Charlie was doing the same with me.

"I can't do this."

"Yes you can," Charlie said in that somewhat raspy yet still sweet voice.

"No, I can't."

"Yes you can."

I took a deep breath. "Yes I can."

"Yes you- What?"

Claire was doing a great job, I think. Everything was going fine until Kate had realized Claire had stopped pushing. Kate had to talk Claire into having the baby, that she wasn't alone or something. I was right next to Claire, and as I looked at her red, round face I couldn't help but think she resembled a cherry. Which she did. And I laughed. And Claire looked at me and laughed. And with that laugh and final push, a baby boy was born. Charlie and Jin rejoiced and I abruptly stopped laughing when I saw the alien thing that was Claire's baby. And I was reminded of why I had joined the hospital morgue in the first place.

This morning, as the sun had risen, Claire came out of the woods holding her child. Everyone gathered round and smiled and cooed. The baby's name might have been mentioned, but I didn't hear. An orchestra was playing in the background or something. Than Shannon and Sayid come out of nowhere, and Jack broke the bitter news to Shannon.

After Shannon had her final words with Boone, I walked over. I never could leave a body without saying a few words, and as I kneeled over him, I said my apologies and commented him on his looks. Even dead, he was still a handsome devil. I sat there, looking at him, and was just getting up on my knees when a hand grabbed my wrist. I ran out of there as fast as I could, without looking back. And as I ran off, I could hear faint voices, saying what I thought was, "Hey, Boone! I'm Bill, and this is Ted..."

**-Tibby T**

(A/N: You have to admit, that last one was pretty hard to find the funny. But at least it had a happy ending. At that, I mean the show. What did you think? Please review!)


	23. The Greater Good

(A/N: I doubt if anyone cares or if anyone's been keeping track, but this is my sixth time correcting the date. The point is, the first season of LOST is supposed to end in 40 days, and goshdarnit, so will the Diaries!)

the LOST diaries pt. 21

DAY THIRTY-EIGHT:  
11: 53 a.m. –LOST

Well, we buried Boone this morning. Or, at least tried. We successfully buried a hole in the ground. We successfully wrapped Boone in some sort of tarp so he'd have some sort of coffin thing. In fact, everything was successful until Jack asked Shannon if she wanted to say a few words. She denied, which isn't a real surprise. Than Sayid said a few words, just to impress Shannon (obviously) and started with "I didn't really know…" which means improvisation. Than Locke showed up, blood stained, bold, and bald, and finally explained to everyone what happened. Hmmm… I wonder if I should've done that. Glad I didn't, since Jack attacked the man. Many people tried to stop Jack, and others stepped in when Jack collapsed. After Jack was dragged off, the four people that were left glanced at their watches, murmured certain somethings, and walked off. Leaving Boone just lying there and an empty hole. I'm sick and tired of doing all the death things, so I walked off too. And I noticed that Locke had gone.

2: 32 p.m. –LOST

Sun and Charlie were trying to convince Claire to rest and let them take care of the baby. Which she hasn't named yet. Charlie didn't help by calling the baby "Turnip Head". I think it's a stupid name, it's obviously an onion. Claire, with her face covered in make-up (How does she-?) finally forked TH over after I bribed her with a Snickers bar. I followed Charlie to make sure he didn't drop TH or anything, and we got into a little debate.

"What are you talking about?"

"It's clearly an onion."

"No, it's a turnip. Look right there."

"Come on, Chuck. Turnips are… turnipy. This is definitely an onion."

"It is so a turnip. And don't call me Chuck, Tab."

"Where do you see the turnip resemblance?"

We both stared at the baby cradled in Charlie's arms for a moment.

"You don't know what a turnip looks like, either, do you?"

The baby started to make a whining noise.

"Uh oh," Charlie said, holding the baby out in front of him.

"Don't hold it like that, you're making it worse."

"Well, what do _you _suggest?"

Hurley was in the water, trying to fish. TH, I'm calling him "Hugh" from now on, was bawling.

"Could you help us?" we asked.

"Ok," Hurley said, taking a deep breath. "I'll try."

Hurley than attempted the loudest (and best) James Brown impersonation to soothe the baby. Needless to say, it didn't work.

"Let me try!" Looking back, I wonder why Charlie, who was _supposed _to be the singer in the group, didn't volunteer in the lullabies. I was the one to sing.

"_Wouldn't it be nice if we were older, then we wouldn't have to wait so long!" _

Hurley and Charlie joined in.

"_And wouldn't it be nice to live together, in the kind of world where we belong!"_

The baby was crying even harder now, and we heard an explosion in the distance. We all ran in different directions, I just wanted to get away from Hugh. I ran into the jungle, and smack dab into Sayid.

"Tibby," Sayid said, concerned. "We heard an explosion, is something wrong?"

"Uhh… Hey, Locke."

Locke was standing in the middle of a path, covering his eyes with his hands and in plain view of everyone.

"The beechcraft's this way," Locke said, motioning to the path that led to that yellow plane.

Sayid was going through the wreckage and interrogating Locke the whole time. He finally ventured to ask about the hatch, which Locke denied knowing anything about. Geez, even I knew he was lying. So I made a bold statement.

"You mean that door thing?"

6: 23 p.m. –LOST

It's finally happened. Shannon got her hands on a gun. I don't know how, but I think Sayid was behind it. She wanted to avenge her brother, but I kept hoping she'd turn the gun to herself. Being the typical American young woman straight from the soap opera, she stood there, aiming the gun at Locke for what seemed like ages. Sayid was there, I was there, and after an hour, so were Kate and Jack. After a decade, Sayid dived onto Shannon, making her pull the trigger. The bullet grazed Locke's head, and I walked off. That was enough of that. I went back to camp, where I found Sawyer reading a magazine to the sleeping baby. Ah, Sawyer and those hot reading glasses of his. After Charlie handed Hugh to Claire, I had a conversation with Sawyer.

"Nice glasses."

Sawyer hastily snatched his glasses off.

"No, seriously," I handed him my glasses. "Please?"

I stuck out my lower lip and my eyes grew big. It's not cute and it's not attractive, but people usually fall for it. Sawyer accepted the glasses. He put them on, blinked, and turned back to me.

"These are so strong I can see people's skeletal structures."

I grabbed the glasses from him.

"Just be glad you don't have to wear them all the time. You should be grateful."

With that, I walked over to where Boone was. I think I dozed off, because when I looked up, Boone was standing in front of me with two companions.

"Boone?"

"Tibby. I'd like you to meet my buds, Bill and Ted."

"Um… How are you doing?" I asked.

"Pretty good."

"We're going to go visit our pal, So-crates," Bill said.

"Yeah, and then we're going to have a bowling tournament with Death."

"Sweet."

Tibby T

(A/N: Well……….There you go. Review, please. If you want to. You don't have to. But… It would be nice.)


	24. Born To Run

the LOST diaries pt. 21

DAY THIRTY-NINE:  
11: 14 a.m. –LOST

This morning everyone was just walking around the raft or helping build it, because everyone thinks that that will help Michael change his mind about who gets on the raft. And this weird science teacher guy comes out of nowhere and tells us that we can't go on the raft. His name is Dr. Arzt, and he reminds me of my old science teacher, or any science teacher for that matter. That same annoying nasally voice, the squinty eyes, the ramblings that everyone ignores as he waves a stick around with a rag attached to it. But everyone seemed to be listening to his crazy "monsoon" idea. And his "Antarctica" philosophy. I don't know, I wasn't listening. The point is, everyone's in even more of a hurry to get off the island and on that raft.

9: 36 p.m. -LOST

Locke and Sayid finally showed Jack the hatch. Jack was looking at the hatch with much curiosity. Locke was studying Jack's expression as he examined the little window. Sayid was dozing off.

"So how do we open it?" Jack finally asked.

Sayid's snore was cut off. "What?"

"The hatch. How do we open it?"

Sayid said that he had brought Jack to talk Locke OUT of opening the hatch. He then went on and on about how the hatch was dangerous, blah blah blah. My attention span seems to be whithering away by the minute, because I found myself back at the beach, where I found Claire giving Charlie a haircut.

"This is news to me," I said. "Claire, you cut hair?"

Claire looked at me and put a finger to her lips. Charlie didn't seem to have heard.

"When we get rescued," he began. "What are you going to do?"

Claire seemed thoughtful. "Oh, I don't-"

"Okay, this is track two!" he said, beginning to play a song that sounded exactly like Track 1.

I smiled and walked away. Locke, Hurley, and Jack were having a powwow at the shore. Jack was showing Locke Michael's water bottle.

"Ew, who spit in Michael's water bottle?"

"That's poison, you idiot," Jack snapped. We all turned our heads to the commotion by the raft. Sawyer was dragging Kate around and yelling things to anyone that would listen.

"She doesn't care about anyone but herself!" Sawyer was yelling, apparently telling the island that it was Kate who spit in Michael's drink. Of course. Only she could be so heartless. He also gave away the little secret that she was a prisoner, but that's not important. What is, is getting off this island as soon as possible. I overheard Walt telling Michael that he had burnt down the first raft, that he didn't want to leave.

"That's okay," Michael said. "We don't have to leave."

Michael slowly turned his head.

"Yes we do."

Leaving me with two conclusions:

Walt can never make up his mind.  
Walt is creepy.

Toodles!

Tibby T

(A/N: I know that this one wasn't that long, but LOST is starting to change. No more dead seriousness to make fun of. No more funny moments to launch off of. Just boredom. Gosh, I hope this show ends soon so I can go to more projects. …Review? )


	25. Exodus pt 1

the LOST diaries pt. 23

DAY FORTY:  
9:05 a.m. –LOST

Was rudely woken up this morning by Walt. Said the French lady was walking around. Gee wiz, big scare. To my knowledge, she walks around here every morning and watches Hurley sleep. …Not like, I watch with her or anything. Everyone started to panic when she said "The Others" were coming. Uh oh. I never saw the end of that movie. That was the one with the ring thing, right? Where they're all in the woods trying to find that tooth fairy thing? Maybe there is reason to panic. She says these "Others" took her week old baby, and that our only three choices were to run, hide, or… What was that last one? DIE. Trying to remember! It was the one where that kid saw dead people, right?

10:43 a.m. –LOST

After Danielle delivered her horrid news, we were all put on a very strict time schedule. This schedule: Do whatever you can immediately. We all began to push the raft to the water. Unfortunately, something snapped and the rudder broke. To top it all off, there was black smoke coming from the jungle. Great, the zombies are coming, the boat broke, and someone's burning the hot dogs! WHY?

1:16 p.m. -LOST

Jack, Sayid, and Locke showed Hurley and French chick the hatch. Jack thinks we can somehow hide the forty people on the island in it.

"How are we all going to fit in there?" Hurley asked.

"What the hole?" I asked. "It's not that big, and I don't want to dig."

"There's no handle," Locke said. "There might be a door somewhere else."

It occurred to me they were talking about the actual hatch. Jack asked Danielle if she had any more explosives.

"You mean the dynamite," she answered. "At the Black Rock. In the Dark Territory."

Hurley said, "Well, there's three reasons to go right there."

I don't understand. I only counted four. Besides the point. Jack decided to have a small team go into the jungle to get "supplies". At least, that's what he told everyone at the beach. I know what we really are. The Fellowship. I don't like that Arzt bloke. He's taking my increasingly annoying spot. Says he knows a thing or two about dynamite and that he has to come. Why didn't I think of a lame excuse like that? Doesn't matter now. I'm in the fellowship. Before we left, Charlie was collecting messages from the other survivors and putting them in a bottle for Michael to take on the raft. He asked me, and I declined. I don't have anything to write. I don't have anyone to write to. With that positive note, I began walking down the shore, Danielle ahead of me, Hurley behind me.

4:23 p.m. –LOST

We were walking as fast as we could, considering that Hurley and asthmatic Leslie Arzt was with us. We stopped at a place Frenchie called the "Dark Territory", where she enlightened us with the tales of her unfortunate team members.

"I think I should go," Arzt said.

"I thought you wanted to come," Jack said.

"Well, I did, until Montoine lost his frickin arm," was Arzt's panicked answer. I laughed. I thought it sounded funny.

Arzt left us and we walked about for a while after, making pretty good progress. Suddenly, we heard a weird noise coming from the depths of the forest. It sounded like a bizarre chant from some barbaric tribe man. The Others? As the sound neared, we realized it was just Arzt, running and having hysterics. But then the scary orchestra music returned and we all bolted in different directions. The "monster" was coming, then decided to make a turn. We were safe, but I preferred the safety of the beach, so I went back, to find Shannon folding clothes. Walt was watching too.

"Why are you folding clothes?" he asked.

"Because I'm anal," Shannon replied.

"Why are you anal?" I asked.

Shannon disregarded me.

"Is there something you want, Walt?" she asked.

Walt explained that he wanted Shannon to take care of his dog. I cringed at the thought. Shannon? Taking care of another living thing? But I said nothing, since I wouldn't be that great of a care giver myself. Shannon tried to play it off, but I could tell it meant a lot to her. Don't know why, maybe it's because I've always been more of a cat person. I walked off and spotted Sun and Jin and their tearful goodbyes. That reminded me. I still had nothing to write, and only one thing came to mind. So I wrote it.

"You must be careful every time you step out your front door, because your front walk is really a road, and the road leads ever onward. If you are not careful, you are apt to find yourself…well… simply swept away, a stranger in a strange land with no clue as to how you got there."

J.R.R. Tolkien said that. I gave the note to Charlie, and he put it in the bottle and handed it to Michael. Before I knew it, they were off. Sawyer, Jin, Michael, and Walt. Vincent tried to go after them, and I felt my eyes sting. They were leaving, and here we were, strangers, in a strange land, with no clue as to how we got here. Now I know what the hobbits felt like when Frodo went on that cruise.

Tibby T

(A/N: That was it. I'm thinking of putting up another of Tib's flashbacks before the new ep. …Review?)


	26. Flashback Episode III

(A/N: Guess what the theme for this diary is. –fiddles with light saber- Come on, just guess.)

the LOST diaries flashback

DAY FORTY:  
1: 22 p.m. –LOST

Decided to take a swim. I'm phobic of the sea, and there's a little remote pond in the jungle I usually stop by. I'm the only one who knows its whereabouts. Or so I thought. I just finished switching into a tank top when I heard a whistle behind me.

"Well, would you look at that."

I snatched my jacket. A shirtless Sawyer walked closer.

"Tibby?" he said, looking at me as if I were some alien species. "You've got a tat? You never told me about it."

He said this as if he should've been the first to know about my embarrassing tattoo, and that my not telling him really hurt his feelings.

"You never asked." I started to walk off. Sawyer followed.

"Well, I'm just wondering why you don't show it off," he said. "I mean, it's a little heart, right?"

I turned around.

"I know there were words inside, but I couldn't really see," he smirked. "And you _are_ going to show me, right?"

I sighed and took off the jacket. Sawyer walked around me, and I could feel his eyes staring at my back where, between the shoulder blades, there was indeed a medium sized heart with the name "Obi-Wan" etched into it. It had that classic heart design, where the arrow goes through, except instead of an arrow there were two blue light sabers crossed. I could hear Sawyer reading the name to himself, his fingers tickling my spine.

"Impressive," he said. "And… where'd you get this?"

xxxxxx

"Ouch," Tibby said, walking up the sidewalk to her aunt's house. She touched her back and cringed. She looked at the bottle of whiskey in her hand and cringed. _What had the tattoo guy said?_ She couldn't remember. She dumped the empty bottle in the trash can and walked up the steps. The door was unlocked. She looked at the kitchen clock. Two? She was supposed to be home two hours ago. Sighing heavily, she turned around toward the living room, and her sigh ceased immediately. She stopped breathing altogether. The living room was filled with friends, family members, strangers. All sitting on couches and chairs in a big circle. Her eyes went to the door, but for no good. Her uncle was spread in front of it, barricading her only escape. Sighing, she slowly walked into the room. This is every drinker's nightmare. Intervention.

xxxxxx

1:44 p.m. -LOST

Sawyer and I were sitting on tree trunks, just talking.

"Obi-Wan," he muttered. "I just can't believe it."

"What's so hard to believe?" I said. "You know me, I'm a huge nerd."

"It's not that," he said. "It's just-" He sighed.

"What?"

Sawyer looked around.

"Promise you won't tell anyone."

xxxxxxx

"Almost… there," Tibby said, straightening her brother's tie. "Oh, Trot. You're getting married!"

"Knock it off," Trot said. "You're acting like Mum."

"Well, someone has to be, Qui-Gon." Tibby smacked the back of his head.

"Is that a challenge?"

Tibby grabbed a fork from a nearby table.

"You bet it is, Master Jinn."

"You're on, Kenobi."

The screeching of chairs and chinks of forks ensue as Tibby and Trot show impressive Jedi skills. With forks.

"Have you been drinking?" Trot asked.

He jumped on a chair and flipped off.

"I know you have," she said and laughed.

Tibby ran outside and grabbed a cloak from a hanger. She took out a toy light saber and a small bottle of vodka. As Trot grabbed his cloak and saber, she drank from it. She handed it to Trot and he took a sip.

"How much time do we have?" she asked.

"Still forty five minutes," he said. "All the time in the world."

The fighting grew intense as plastic smacked plastic. They were moving down the hall now, passing people as they jumped and ran and twisted. They were both drunk, so it was a very funny sight indeed. They moved closer to the big doors at the end of the hall now, but neither of them were paying attention. They flew through the doors, down the aisle, past the confused priest and angry mother-in-law, nearing to the food and, you guessed it, the cake. What happened next was something only a member of the true Jedi council could have mastered. Tibby managed to twist her arm all the way around and hit her brother right in the face. Saber flew from both hands, and everyone watched in fear (not surprise, you'd have to be an idiot to not see this coming) as Trotter lost his balance and fell right into the cake, knocking everything off the table in the process. People gasped and screamed as food flew all over the place. Trotter had passed out in the cake. Tibby poked him, and then took the fork out of her pocket.

"Mmm… Strawberry."

xxxxxxx

Sawyer pulled his pants off and revealed black and purple boxers. Funny, I always thought him as a brief guy. He then started to pull down one side of his boxers.

"Oh, no, Sawyer. I…" I shielded my eyes, but peeked a little. "Oh."

On Sawyer's upper thigh, he too had a tattoo. And it looked… exactly like mine. But the name was different.

"Qui-Gon…" I read. "Qui-Gon Jinn?"

"Obi-Wan Kenobi," Sawyer said.

We were both surprised. Sawyer stared at me, pants off and under knickers getting there, and hugged me. This was awkward. Still in embrace, he glanced at his watch.

"Tobi-Wan, how old are you?"

"Twenty-one, Qui-Gon James."

"Twenty-one…"he muttered to himself. "I've never done it with a Star Wars chick."

"Guys?" a voice said.

Sawyer quickly let go and turned around. He stared at his shirtless and pantless self, at a confused and excited Charlie, and back at me. He doesn't realize how lucky he is to have me. I walked over to him, half hugged him, and pinched his tattoo.

"There," I said. "Now, you better start walking around with your pants on, Sawyer, or next time you're gonna get a bee sting on your ass."

Sawyer's face reddened and Charlie burst out laughing. I winked at Sawyer and handed him his jeans.

"What, Ringo?" he said now, turning to Charlie. "What do you want?"

"Uh, Michael says they're ready to set sail."

"Fine, fine," Sawyer said.

They began to walk off.

"Sawyer?" I called. He turned around.

"May the force be with you."

He smiled and nodded, and then walked off.

I looked at my diary.

xxxxxxx

"Ms. Tomei," the man said, looking at Tibby over his large glasses. "I really like the progress we've made. And, with the unfortunate death of your brother I realize…"

Tibby looked around the room. This was her therapist's office, whom she simply called Doctor. He had a droning voice, and whenever she came here, she silently cursed her aunt for cooping her up in here every Thursday. Something about "alcohol abuse", "anger management", and "schizophrenia". She looked up at the Doctor, and he was handing her a little book. She accepted it.

"It's to my understanding that you're a writer," Doctor said. "Since you won't be seeing me for two weeks, I'd like for you to write in this diary."

"Ugh," Tibby said. "I don't do diaries."

"Why not?"

"Because they're boring. Who cares what color socks you wore yesterday? Who cares about your feelings?"

"I care," he said. "I don't think they're boring."

"Well, they are," she said, crossing her arms over chest. She looked at the book. It had a little palm tree on it.

"Take it, Tibby," he said. "Who knows? You might have an adventure or two."

(A/N: I know the whole Star Wars theme was a little excessive. Yeah, well, I'm a gigantic Star Wars fan and I've got a tattoo on my back to remind me. I just hope I don't get sued……. Review?)


	27. Exodus pt 2

(A/N: Well, this is the last Diary of the season. We've certainly had our good times and bad. Now its time to pick up some weird summer hobbies. -takes picture of Ewan McGregor out of desk- I've got some stalking to do.)

the LOST diaries pt. 23

DAY FORTY:  
5:11 p.m. –LOST

In the jungle, we came across the Black Rock. It was a ship. It wasn't black. There were no rocks. Alas, we have reached our destination. The explosives were inside, and I helped the others bring them out. It was some old ship, like the kind pirates use. Except this was no pirate ship. Locke said it was a slave ship. Hmm… A slave ship from East Africa, a plane from Nigeria…. Something tells me the whole continent of Africa needs to update their maps. We brought the crate outside, where a very rude Arzt instructed us to get away from the crate.

"This is our most dangerous mission yet," I stated to Hurley.

He nodded, staring at the dynamite. "One of us might not make it."

"I hope it's you."

BOOM! Everyone was thrown back as the dynamite exploded. Arzt was gone.

5:49 p.m. –LOST

Kate tried to comfort Hurley after the whole Arzt blowing up thing.

"You okay?" she asked.

"He just…. Exploded," Hurley muttered.

"Very well said," I agreed.

It's like my brother used to say. Too much or too little knowledge can get you killed. It's like that in the mob, and this place isn't much different. Fortunately, my constant confusion places me in the "neutral" zone. I left that place, right after carving ARZT'S MANOR on the side of the ship. Black Rock my ass.

6:57 p.m. –LOST

I went back to the jungle to find Claire in hysterics, Charlie in hysterics, the dog in hysterics. Claire's baby was taken. And that sadistic Rousseau was the culprit! Of course, only someone crazy enough to call a wooden ship a black rock would take an infant! Sayid and Charlie were getting ready to leave. While Charlie was trying to reassure Claire, I was arguing with Sayid.

"No, Tibby. You can't come."

"Yes I am," I growled. "I'm not going to detonate with Jack, can't stay on the beach, the caves are too bloody depressing!"

"But-"

"The only one that's going to slow you down is him," I pointed at Charlie. He was doing some sort of jig to cheer Claire up.

Sayid looked around.

"Come on," he said. "We're wasting time."

And we were off. We managed to make it to the place where Boone fell so Charlie could take a break. He was breathing hard. I made eye contact with Sayid. Sayid pointed out the heroin to Charlie. Sayid left, and Charlie had an agonizing staring contest with the little bags. I joined Sayid, and Charlie followed. Once again, on the move. Charlie pointed at a blanket under a tree.

"There!" he cried.

He picked up the blanket and it triggered a booby trap. He stupidly looked up, only to see a bunch of rocks come hurling at his face. A rock made contact with his forward and there was blood everywhere. I mean, it was just pouring out. It was cool to look at.

"You're going to have to go back," Sayid said.

"You're a soldier, Sayid!" Charlie screamed, splattering the blood that had slid down to his mouth everywhere. Sweet. "What do you do when someone's wounded?"

Sayid took out his gun. He cut a bullet (that's possible?) and shook the gun powder on his wound. I crouched closer and shoved a handful of popcorn in my mouth. Sayid took out a match. I slurped my Big Gulp.

"This is not going to be pleasant," Sayid said.

"Not for him," I muttered.

Then Charlie screamed. A loud, high pitched scream and his legs moved and he kept screaming. The surgery was over and he was still screaming. Sayid put all his things in his pack and was walking away, and he was still screaming. He only paused when I let him have a sip of my Big Gulp.

"Blueberry?" he asked.

"Yup."

"Mmm."

He then started screaming again. I smacked him in the back of the head. He sneezed blood. He reeked of it for the rest of the night. We finally came across the "black smoke". I guess we were all thinking only the most evil of dragons could produce smoke like that, but that was just the French lady messing with our heads. It was just a burning log on the side of the beach, only a few kilometers away from our own camp. No Dragon. No Danielle. No Aaron. We were there for two minutes when we heard whimpering behind us.

"Charlie, if that's-"

"It's not me!" he hissed.

"Danielle!" Sayid called. "Come out, we know you're in there!"

Danielle came out, Aaron crying in her arms. Charlie took him from her and he cried even harder.

"You're scaring him," I told Charlie, taking the baby from his arms. "Honestly, go wash up."

"I don't understand… They said they were coming for the boy…" Danielle said.

"You're crazy!" Charlie said from the water.

I looked at the sea. Coming for the boy…

Tibby T

(A/N: I thought it'd be awkward to have Tib on the raft too. I mean, we can only push her magical genie powers so far. Well, that was it. Yes, I will continue the Tibby saga in the next season.–Sits on couch, takes off shoes, opens door- So long, folks! -exits-

_It's a wonderful day in the NEIGHborhood. A Beautiful day in the NEIGHborhood... _

Ewan McGregor runs in house, looks around and goes for the closet. Dominic Monaghan is tied up in the closet.

_It's a wonderful day in the NEIGHborhood! I'll get you, McGregor! You just wait!)_

(A/N: The above means nothing! Uh... Review, you may.)


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